My Thank you List April 23-29

1. Good workweek.No issues, no problems, no unnecessary stress. Good officemates, good workload and good stats.

2. Merienda, Pasyal & Dinner with Family.The Paguio family likes going out, and last Tuesday we were able to do so after a long time of home confinement. Haha. Went to Eastwood then transferred to Market Market for a merienda of Razon's Halo-halo. Went around a bit and then had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, House of Minis. Arrived home about 12 midnight already and I was really bone tired as I woke up 400 that day for work. It was okay though, check #3 for the reason.

3. Mid-week rest.It was ANZAC Day (a holiday in Australia) last April 25 and because of that, we had no work. I was able to rest and enjoy the company of my family the whole day.

4. SWELDO!!!I think the 25th is the highlight of my every month as this is the day that I get a few thousand bucks richer. Yipee!!!! What made it special is that I was able to give my Mom some money to spend for the house.

5. Opening of an account.It feels so good that Jay and I were able to open a joint account with Banco de Oro. Good because we own something with both our names on it. Better because we have sufficient savings to be able to move out anytime.

6. Delicious Kare-kare and Inihaw na Pusit Dinner.We ate these dishes Friday night and it was satisfying. Sulit ang bayad.

7. Our weekly ritual.We had Cali and San Mig Light plus Sashimi and Cheesesticks. Add a lot of kwento and it makes up a nice night.

8. Worship with Jay.It was a very big step for Jay to accompany me to Sunday worship and I am very thankful for that. Makes worship even more meaningful when I am with my husband, as we should be together in our walk with God. I strongly pray that this would be repeated.

9. Krispy KremeA visit to Megamall would not be complete without buying my favorite donuts!

10. Good night sleep.I was transferred from the 6am-3pm sched to the 9am-6pm. Thus, I was able to have a good sleep last night, and I believe for the rest of the month as well.

Maricris and my cortisol level

Why is it that getting irritated with people on TV beginning to be a habit for me?

It started out with this Hope girl. And now, the next victim: Maricris from PBB.

Well, I can hardly call her a victim. She is irritating and infuriating, and she really stresses me out. I actually dont want to go into the details of the things that makes me irritated with her, as I do not want to get my blood pressure up right now.

Suffice to say that I think watching PBB would definitely be easier to the heart if she would be removed ASAP. No one needs the heightened release of cortisol that watching her elicits. Cortisol they say, is the stress hormone, released in high levels to our body during stressful situations. While this hormone is an important and helpful part of the body’s response to stress, too much of it in prolonged levels have shown to have negative effects.

And to maintain my body's stress level, I'd rather remove her from the show than stop watching. Forgive me for being "masa" but I really like PBB.

*Please note that my irritation with her is not as a person, but as a character on TV. She has done nothing wrong to me personally, so the grudge I hold against her is not personal as well.

Quotes from Sunday Worship

" I know I am not yet what I ought to be, nor I am what I want to be.. but thank God that I am no longer what I used to be."

" The conscious (or modest) water saw his God, and blushed..." ( Referring to the miracle at Canaa)

" What you are thunders so loudly I cannot hear what you're saying to the contrary."

" If you want to tell the people what God can do for them, show them what your God has done to you."

These are some of the quotes that were mentioned last Sunday worship. Just wanted to share because they really had an impact on me. Simple yet very meaningful.

Overused Brain

Is there an effective way to rest the mind? Rest in such a way that I will be free from the hundred-thoughts-a-minute that run through my tired yet still very active brain.

As one OPM goes, "It doesnt matter where I am... Thoughts of you still linger in my mind, no matter what time of day..." I am not gonna continue with the stanza as my thoughts are not really focused on one person I am in love with ( not that I am not in love), but with anything and everything under the sun.

My brain activity is a barrage of thoughts varying from visions of my mansion, to plans for an outing, to fantasizing the new job for Jay, to computing budget for moving out, and though I dont like it, to names of the schedulers I transact with running through my mind as well.

Aaaargh!

I am now reminded of an experiment I learned in Psych, Restricted Environmental Stimulation Therapy (REST). It is a form of sensory deprivation wherein the volunteer is submerged in an isolation tank with salty water at skin temperature and is lightless and soundproof. Its aim is to deny the mind of any sensory stimuli and in effect cause relaxation.

I wonder if that will work for me. Will my mind be able to rest if I hear, see or feel nothing? I actually have doubts. Besides, even if it will be able to help me, where would I get that isolation tank? TSk Tsk. I am back to not having any solutions to my plight.

As the famous line of The Mask goes, please:

"Somebody stop me!"

I Feel Free / Rythm of The Night

I was greeted early morning today by this video. As I was not prepared to reminisce, nostalgia swept over me like a wave. I cant help but get teary-eyed as I watch scenes from my beloved Psychsoc days.

This video was taken way back 2002, when I was in my 3rd year. I was very active with Psychsoc then, attending almost all activities and participating very actively. There are people who do not understand the value of belonging to an organization in college. I do not blame them, as they were not able to experience the all that I have with Psychsoc.

The Psychsoc tambayan, or nook as we call it, was my home in college. I spent all my vacant hours there with those that I considered more than just friends, but family. These were the people I was with everyday, and made my college life truly memorable.

The dance was also from the same time, and seeing it makes me want to dance once again. I may not be considered a dancing queen, but dancing really is one of my passions. Unfortunately, it now belongs to the passions I am unable to cultivate.I no longer have the opportunities to dance now, and I truly miss it. When I dance, I feel so free and happy. No wonder I joined all dance presentations I could from grade school up to 3rd year college.

As I reflect on what this video was able to give me, I am reminded of a conversation that Jay and I once had regarding pictures. Photos, or in this case videos, are more than just an image of what you look like at a certain time and place in the past. They serve as a reminder not only of how you looked, but all the feelings and significance of the event that was captured. When I look at pictures, I get to remember how it was during that time, I get to feel all the joy, or even sadness once again.

And it makes life even more beautiful.

Things that I was thankful for last week

I know that there are a lot of things that I am wishing for, things that I have long prayed for and yet havent received. Despite this, I don't want to be discouraged and disappointed. I want to remain strong in my faith and to continually be grateful to all the blessings the Lord has given me. Beacuse of this, I would like to examine my life weekly, and check for the things that I am thankful for. Hopefully, as I acknowledge all the good things happening in my life, I would be a happier person...

1. Light workload
The weeks before and after the Holy Week were really very toxic. We were bombarded by tons of emails and faxes that need to be processed immediately. Thankfully, things came back to normal come Monday. We were back to working on a steady pace, and there were lots of time to relax and take a breather before we tackle the next case.

2. Going home to Laguna
Wednesday, Apr 18 was the wedding of my brother-in-law Jef to Malou. I arrived at about 630 pm already so I was not able to attend the ceremonies, but as with any other wedding day I suppose, the celebration extended til late at night so I was still able to share some of the joy that was abundant that day. There were still plenty of food left and I was able to enjoy lechon, sugpo, plus sweet and sour fish. Add to that a dessert of ice cream and my day was made!

3. Not being late Thursday
We left Pagsanjan at 430 and because there was a slight unexpected buildup in SLEX, I arrived just 6 minutes before login.

4. Golidilocks Production Manager
Jay got an interview invitation from Goldilocks for a Production Manager position. This may not end up as the right job for him but now, we welcome and are happy for every opportunity to land "that perfect job".

5. Going out with Jay and eating my favorites
Because of the kids, Jay and I rarely get the chance to have even just a simple date. Last Saturday though, we had the chance when Andre went to Pagsanjan with his Mamita. We went to Megamall as this is where our newest favorites could be bought. Razon's Halo-halo for him and Krispy kreme doughnuts for me. Yum yum.
While we were on the queue to park, we were almost regretting going to Megamall. The line was not moving at all, and we were thinking that it would take us hours before we could find a parking space. Thank God though that immediately after being allowed to enter the parking building, we were able to find a space for our car. Wow.
Another bonus for us that day is the complimentary donut that was given to us, even though we just bought 3 donuts. And being the glutton that I am, after eating my donuts and halo-halo, I still had to buy Spicy Cassava Chips from Matahari. Please forgive me, they're my favorites.

6. Inuman session with Jay
Weird as it may seem, Jay and I often have drinking sessions in our room. We would drink about a can of San Mig Ice each, or sometimes I would just drink Cali, and eat a bag or two of chips. It is just an activity that we enjoy doing. Sometimes we get tipsy, sometimes no effect, and there had been times we really hot drunk. Haha.

7. Sunday worship
After 4 long years, I attended worship again. Luckily, I was able to find a nearby church at home so I was not away for a long time. It was such a refreshing feeling ot be able to praise and worship God again with a congreagation. I felt really blessed and whole after. Truly an experience to be repeated.

8. Turon and Kwek-kwek
Lucky offered to share the expenses with me so we asked Inggo to buy ingredients for Turon and Kwek-kwek. Of course, I was the one who had to cook everything so it was a bity tiring. I did not mind it though because I feel good whenever I cook, as if I am fulfilling my role of being a wife. Haha. But as another reward, I ate plenty of kwek-kwek and turon.

Camera & Faith

Sira ang camera ko ngayon. For reasons I dont know, bigla nlang ayaw niyang magnukas para kumuha ng pictures. Pwede kong tignan ang mga pictures na nakuha ko na dati, pero tuwing bubuksan ko ang lens, tutunog siya ng kakaiba at biglang magsasara. Weird dahil nung Friday ay nagamit ko pa siya para kumuha ng litrato ng baby ni Pili. Hindi ko siya naibagsak, hindi siya nabasa, at walang kahit anong nangyaring kakaiba sa kanya. Pero nung Sabado, hindi ko na nga siya magamit.

Hindi ko masyado maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Nung una ay naupset ako. Sumama ang loob ko dahil nasira ang camera ko. Nagtaka rin ako dahil wala naman ngang nangyaring kakaiba sa kanya. Pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng kaba. Hanggang ngayon, panatag naman ang aking loob. Tinanong nga sa akin ng asawa ko kung natatakot o kinakabahan ba ako sa maaring maging gastos o hindi na pagkakagawa ng camera ko. Ang sabi ko, oo ngat hinihiling ko na sana walang gastos, pero hindi naman ako kinakabahan. Ang sinabi kong dahilan:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" Philippians 4:6

Hindi masyadong naniniwala si Jay dito. Ngayon, ang aking hiling ay sana, maimpluwensyahan siya ng aking faith. Sana, pareho kaming maniwala. Naniniwala kasi akong ang aming pananamapalataya ang mgadadala sa amin sa aming mga pangarap. Kung wala nun, baka wala kaming marating....

Renewed Faith

For a long time, I have been living in darkness. I moved and went through my life without the guiding light and hand of the Lord. I faced my problems, pursued my dreams, and simply lived my life by myself (technically with Jay, but in essence...), neglecting the relationship I once had with God. I had my excuses, valid ones none.

Recently, I am faced with some hardships that I find hard to overcome. I try to do all that is humanly possible, and yet nothing. I was almost losing hope, getting discouraged and depressed by the day. And then I heard Him knocking again.

I cant tell you how it happened, or what actually happened. All I can tell you is that in an instant, I was reading the bible and praying. I was crying when I finished. I realized then what was missing in my life, and that was the Lord.

Now, I could say I have a renewed relationship with Him. My faith was restored and my life is finally on the right track. I have yet to reach my dreams, but now that I have surrendered my life to Him, I know I would be there soon.

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, I Offer My Life To You

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life


Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.

Chorus

What can we give that you have not given
And what do we have that is not already yours
All that we possess is the life we are living
and that is what we offer you lord

Chorus

I love this praise and worship song. This song really moves me, and makes me cry a lot of times.

I miss Praise and Worship...

Ang Birthday Ng Mahal Ko

Last April 8, my beloved husband celebrated his birthday. I wanted to give him something special, but he did not want me to buy anything for him. I had wanted to write him letters, but I do that everyday anyway, so scratch. I then thought of just preparing a simple feast for him. Simple, yes. A feast, not really. Hehe.

I am not really good in cooking, the only times I cooked was when we were living in San Pedro, so cooking for him on his birthday is really something I am happy about. I prepared spaghetti and mango cream cake for him. It was a simple merienda, but one that was prepared with much love. He said he liked what I cooked. Good. But I could not claim all credit as he also helped me in cooking the spaghetti. We shared the food with his family and mine, I did not hear any negative feedback so I guess I passed as a cook for a day. Haha.

I have to mention that we actually went to church and pray. We havent really done that much, and it may be one reason why our prayers are not yet being answered. So we went and we prayed. we asked for forgiveness, and we sought His help. We know we need His guidance in our lives, and we acknowledged that to Him. We went to the nearby mall afterwards and just let the babies enjoy their new bike.

Come dinnertime, we went to Yellowbell, the local bar and restaurant in Pagsanjan. I like it there because it has a nice ambience, and you have privacy because you have your own hut. We just had Japanese dinner and a bottle of beer each. We love drinking together. Hehe.

The day ended without me giving anything special to my love. I hope though that even with my simple actions, I was able to show him how much I love him, and how blessed I am that he was born into this world, and into my life...

Black Saturday Outing

Good Friday

As the custom is in Pagsanjan, there was a prusisyon last Good friday. Wanting to ask forgiveness for all sins committed, Jay and I joined and walked in penance.

**this picture is scary. this was taken from the back, so the hair is shown and because it was dark, the statue seems headless!**

Holy Thursday

As I was working for and with Australian and not Filipino clients, I still had to work while all of my family was already in Pagsanjan. Worse is that since it will be a long weekend, there was tons of work to do. We were paid double plus a 200 allowance though, Thank God.

I finished my work at 3pm and headed home to Laguna. I was not looking forward to this trip, as I was fearing the worst for the traffic. Fortunately, none of my fears materialized. I was able to ride without a problem and was able to reach Pagsanjan in 2 hours.

Because of the hard work and the long trip, I was already very tired when I got to Pagsanjan. But as they are beginning to be our favorite games now, we still played Pictionary and Charades. This time however, we shifted teams and played with Tobby and Jalec. ( Jay and I still played with Lucky and Jen the first time and we STILL remain undefeated. HAHA) Went to the newly opened 711 in town after, and it was around 230 when we finally went to sleep. I was already bone tired by then.

Independence

Last night Jay and I had the house to ourselves and it gave me a feel again of how it is like to live on our own.

Of course, I loved it. There was peace in the air, as we were hearing no shouting or senseless chatter from people we are not really comfortable being with.

There was a feeling of independence, as we were (or Jay did) the one who cooked and cleaned.

There was freedom, as we were able to do anything we wanted.

And of course there was romance, as we know we were alone with each other. Haha.

The only thing missing I guess was the sight of our children playing, or the sound of them chattering. Andre babbling, displaying his speaking abilities more advanced for his age; and James mumbling, still unable to develop the skill for speaking.

I guess that is okay though. Occassionally being away from the kids, and spending quality time with each other is good for any couple. It makes you focus on just each other.

Sadly, the night was a bit tainted for me as I got a little disappointed. I was really not looking forward to going home to Pagsanjan from work alone, and Jay just confirmed with me last night that He is indeed going home early. It was a sacrifice I knew I had to make, but as all sacrifices are, it is something not to be thrilled about. Anyway, this belongs to another post.

All in all, last night's experience fuelled me even more to move out.

Unfortunately, there is not much for me to do now.

Pray, I guess...

Difficult Customer

haaaaaay.. just handled a very difficult customer awhile ago. and who is to blame him nga nman, when d pa niya narereceive fuel niya he ordered a week ago when he supposedly lives just houses away lang from the depot. syempre, i did my job naman, tried to explain the situation to him, but symepre, galit talaga siya. kesyo i dont know a damn thing daw at naging stupid pa ako. haaay. I dont think I am, nor do I think I know nothing, pero it really affects me. nakakapagpapangit ng pakiramdam, naging low tuloy sprits ko.. To think na i started the day pa nman having a good mood. ngayon, sira na.

Pictionary and Charades

Kagabi, naglaro kami ng Pictionary and Charades. Magkakampi si Lucky and Jen laban sa dynamite duo namin ni Jay. Hehe. At dahil dynamite nga kami, tatalunin ba naman kami?! Hehehe. Ang saya maglaro! Very exciting ang manghula, at nakakatuwa ring magpahula. Syempre kelangan mo galingan at maging creative sa pagpapahula dahil hindi naman ganun kadali ang mga titles. Halimbawa ay Raising Helen.. o kaya Sidhi. Hehe. Meron din naman madali na hindi namin mahulaan. Gaya ng 300 (sa pictionary). Nakuha na ni Jay ang 3 (tree) at hund (hand)... hindi lang niya makuha ang "red". Haha. Sobrang tili kami ng tili!

Nakakatuwa rin nung nagchaharades kami kasi syempre, masaya magarte at nakakatuwa rin panoorin yung mga umaarte. At syempre masya din dahil nahulaan namin ni Jay lahat ng pinahulaan nina Lucky. Hehe.
Nilibre nila tuloy kami ng Mcdo, kaya gusto ko na ulit maglaro.

SUCCESS

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be”

by George Sheehan

Bunini

Siya si Bunini. Anak siya ng dati kong yaya, si Ate Thers. 20 taon kaming inalagaan ni Ate Thers. Naaalala ko pa na siya ang gumigising samin tuwing umaga para pumamsok sa iskwela, siya ang nagpapaligo, siya ang nagbibihis ( syempre nung mas bata pa kami), siya ang naghahanda ng aming almusal, ang nagluluto ng aming mga pagkain. May pagkataray si Ate Thers, pero mahal ko yun. Nung ako ay 20, umalis na siya sa amin at umuwi sa probinsya. Gusto na kasi niyang magkaanak. At di nga nagtagal, ipinanganak niya si Maria Trisha. Dindin ang kaniyang ipinalayaw sa kanya, at dahil iyon sa akin. Syempre diba, nakakatuwa naman na ipinagalan niya ang kanyang anak sa akin. ( Ngunit dahil ang hirap na 2 kaming Dindin sa bahay, Bunini nlang ang tawag sa kanya ngayon.) Nung ako ay ikakasal na nung ako ay 21, pinakiusapan siya ng aking mga magulang na bumalik sa amin. Pinagbigyan naman niya kami, at kasama niyang dumating si Bunini. Grabe, ang payat payat na ni Ate Thers nun, hindi kami halos makapaniwala. Yun pala ay dahil may sakit na siya. Dumating siya sa amin ng November, at nung Feb 25 (bday niya) ay pumanaw na siya. Di katagalan, nagpakamatay naman ang kaniyang asawa at naiwang ulila si Bunini.

Kaya kinuha siya ng aking mommy. Hindi legal ang pagampon sa kanya, pero inako na ni mommy ang responsibilidad sa pagpapalaki at pagaalaga sa munting bata (1 taon palang siya nun). Nung una, walang problema. Binibilhan si Bunini ng mga kailanganniya, inaalagaan siya, at masasabi ko ring, minamahal.

Pero iba na ata ngayon eh. Nung dunating si Andre sa bahay, nabalewala na si Bunini. Ay, mali pala ang balewala. Dahil ngayon, mas natuunan siya ng pansin, hindi nga lang magandang pansin. Lagi nlang siyang pinapagalitan, binubulyawan, pinapalo. Konting kibot, pagalit. Minsan, oo nga at makulit si Bunini. Pero sa palagay ko, naging ganun lang siya dahil natuto na siyang lumaban sa mga taong lagi siyang inaaway. Sa amin naman kasi ni Jay, hindi siya sumasagot, at lagi lang sumusunod.

Naawa na tuloy ako sa kanya. Wala na siyang magulang. At mukhang wala naring nagmamahal sa kanya. Pinipilit namin ni Jay na ibigay ang dapat na pagmamahal o atensyon na nararapat sa kanya, pero hindi sapat ang kaya naming ibigay. May 2 anak rin kami na dapat mahalin at pagbuhusan ng pansin. Tuwing naiisip ko tuloy ang kalagayan nung bata, naiiyak ako. Paano ang magiging buhay niya? Oo nga at may nakakain siya, may naisusuot na damit.. Pero yun lang ba ang kailangan ng isang bata?

Moving Out

I want to move out.

At the start of the year, or actually, even way before that, I have promised myself that I will save enough to be able to live independently. Now, it's the fourth month of the year, and I am no closer to reaching my plan. Admittedly, my passion for that goal sometimes waned, just pushed aside as I think and move for more plausible plans, such as having a honeymoon.

Today though, as with the past couple of days, the fire has engulfed me once again. I am being moved by a passion so intense, making me think endlessly of possiblities that would enable me to reach my goal.

I have computed and recomputed my budget numerous times, hoping to get the expenses smaller each time. I have recounted my finances, this time hoping that they would increase each count. I have thought and engaged in several sidelines, in the hope that they would be enough to fill in my lacking finances. Unfortunately, none is to suffice.

I have even tried my luck in the lotteries, who knows, that small ticket might hold the keys to my future. Some might see it as hopeless, some as even stupid. I dont care. If 10 pesos is all I have to lose for a chance of fulfilling my dreams, then why not? Anyway, I am not leaving everything up to chance. I am simply doing all that I can. Even stupid things.

Now, I am still planning, hoping and praying. Doing all I can to reach my goal. I have always prided myself as being madiskarte and being able to do what needs to be done to reach my goals. I will not fail myself now.

I will move out.