Don't I Wish

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BWISIT

Magulo ngayon dito sa opisina. Masama ang loob ng mga tao, mababa ang morale, disappointed, walang gana magtraba at punong puno ng mga hinaing ang reklamo. Paano naman kasi, yung inaasam2 naming increase at level mula nung June, na ipinaasa noong Oct, at ipinangako ngayong December ay inurong sa March. BAD TRIP.

They're making excuses, as per CSOM daw, 12-24 months ang requirement before level up. Ok, in fairness to the company, talaga namang naksulat yun sa Competency Framework namin. However, in fairness to us, the batch before us, and they are doing the same job we are d oing right now, became CSP 2 upon regularization,and now CSP 3 before the end of their 2nd year. Added to that is the fact that we were given false hopes.. we were lead to believe that the much anticipated and well-deserved raise will take effect this year. NOT!

Good luck nlang. Ngayon, sa baba ng morale ng mga tao, walang gana magtrabaho. Bagsak na bagsak tuloy ang mga stats.

And we don't really care.

*Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

That is a very long and deep sigh indeed... i am feeling very heavy today.i feel so down.. but thinking about it, if we are going to be technical about it, there is nothing to feel this way about. i would say that normal people would not feel the way I do right now.

I guess Jay is right.. I am different. But is being different bad? I wouldnt think so...

anyway... i cant wait to get home.. maybe once i am home i would feel a lot lot better...

how i hope so..

Bye bye HWKA

After 8 months of happily being together, the HWKA team is now beng regrouped. The move they say, is for change of manaagement, and to spread best practices among all of us. Though I think that this may actually good for the center, (as there has been several group conflicts among us) I would truly miss my team. Not that we would not be seeing each other, but still. I loved my team... and though I have nothing against my new teammates, it might be hard to achieve the same camaraderie that the HWKA team had.

I dont know.. let's hope not.

I could smell Christmas....

It's mid-October, about 65 days more before Christmas...

Christmas songs are already being played, seasonal sales are already abundant, and some, like here at the office, have already put up Christmas decorations. (Okay, okay, the Xmas trees were only displayed for decision-making)

Anyhow, I'm sooooo excited. I know I am not a kid anymore, and most probably will not get any gifts this Xmas, but so what? I have other reasons to be excited:

1. I will be on vacation from December 24 (Dec 22 actually) to January 1.

2. Les will be arriving from Singapore.

3. HS kada will have a gimik in Subic... After a long time...

4. Jay and I will be celebrating our 4th year together as a married couple.

5. I have ample money to buy gifts for loved ones.

6. I will be buying a few things for myself as a Christmas gift.

7. I will be celebrating 1st year anniversary with Shell, and looking forward to a pay increase!

And I think, above all else....

8. Just because... :)

Tobby's Birthday

LAst Oct 11, we celebrated Tobby's birthday at one of our favorite eating places. GSquared Palutuan at Seaside Ortigas.

Yum Yum.

I truly enjoyed all the food, as I have been craving for them for about 2 months or so. Here are some:

*TEMPURA *DEEP FRIED CRAB

*Spicy Sizzling Squid

Yaya Michelle

May bago kaming Yaya.
Matapos ang 2 taon ni Irish sa amin, pinalitan siya ni Michelle, 35 years old at tubo ring Bacolod. Syempre,hindi ko pa siya masyado kilala, hindi ko pa alam ang ugali niya, at husay niya sa trabaho pero sana ok naman siya...

"7 Things u'l learn in UP"

by Prof. Ryan Cayabyab

1. Ang buhay ay parang IKOT
jeep. Ang iyong patutunguhan ay siya
ring iyong pinanggalingan.


2. U.P. lang ang may TOKI, sa buhay
wala nito. Pero nasasaiyo na yon kung
nais mong pabaligtad ang takbo ng
buhay mo.


3. Sa IKOT, pwede kang magkamali ng
baba kahit ilang beses, sasakay ka
lang uli. Sa buhay, kapag paikot-ikot
ka na at laging mali pa rin ang iyong
baba, naku, may sayad ka.


4. Sa U.P., lahat tayo magaling.
Aminin nating lahat na tayo'y
magagaling. Ang problema dun, lahat
tayo magaling!


5. Kung sa U.P. ay sipsip ka na,
siguradong paglabas mo, sipsip ka pa
rin.


6. Sa U.P., tulad sa buhay, ang babae
at ang lalake, at lahat ng nasa gitna,
ay patas, walang pinagkaiba sa dunong,
sa talino, sa pagmamalasakit, sa
kalawakan ng isipan, sa pag-iibigan;
at kahit na rin sa kabaliwan, sa
kalokohan at sa katarantaduhan.

At ang panghuli:


7. Sa U.P. tulad sa buhay, bawal ang
overstaying.

*by Prof. Ryan Cayabyab
from the Commencement speech given on
April 24, 2005 before the Class of
2005, UP Diliman, Quezon City

Samsung U600

For the FIRST time in 10 years, I bought myself a celfone. Not that I was not using any, it is just that all my phones were just gifts from my mom, hand-me-downs, or line subscription freebies. And more than just buying one for myself, I actually bought one that is a bit costly and high-end. (I was not really very particular with my phones before.. as long as it could text, it is fine with me).

My favorite features of the phone:

1. Document Viewer!!!! - This is actually what made me decide to buy a new phone, I wanted a phone where I could read my ebooks in... I also saved song lyrics so I could sing along with the MP3.

2. 3.2 Megapixel Camera - Well, I dont really get to use this much because I have my digicam, but the pictures are really great. It just takes a little longer to take pics because it still has to do some autofocusing

3. MP3 Player - This is my first phone that has a music player, so forgive me for being excited about it. Hehehe.

Here are other specs of the phone:

Quad-band / EDGE
3.2 Megapixel Camera
(Half Shutter, Auto Focus, Flash)
262144 Color TFT Screen (2.22”)
103.2x49.3x10.9 mm
60 MB + microSD
Video Recording (MPEG4, H.263)
Music Player (MP3, AAC, AAC+, e-AAC+, WMA)
OMA DRM 2.0
Bluetooth v2.0, USB 2.0 (H/S)
FM Radio (RDS)
TV-output (NTSC/PAL)
Document Viewer
Offline Mode
Batter(690mA)- talk time : up to 4.3 hrs- standby time : up to 275 hrs

I love my phone!!!!

Although I cannot help it, there are still times I wish to myself that I did not spend that much and just settled with my free Motorola C261. Well, what can I say? I'm cheap. :)

BANAPPLE

After several weeks of craving for cakes in Banapple, I finally had a taste of what dessert-lovers say as pieces of heaven...



Apple Crumble Pie
Do I agree with them? Well, the Apple Crumble Pie was a bit too sweet for me. I liked the crumb, and the apple had just a tinge of sourness... It would have been nice with ice cream, but twas a bit too much eaten on its own.

Strawberry Amaretto Cheesecake

I liked the cheesecake, but the strawberry was a bit too strong and tasted like medicine. Although delicious, this cake is something that you cannot eat seconds of... You'd get nauseated after finishing (if you are gonna be able to) one whole slice.

Banoffee Pie

The Banoffee Pie is my favorite.. It is made of banana and caramel on a graham crust and topped with whipped cream and chocolate. It had just the right amount of sweetness, but still, I doubt if anyone could eat more than just one.

My New Look

I toyed with my hair last week, tried to cut a few bangs... I ended up cutting way too many, and had to go to the salon to have it fixed.

Now, here is my new look...

2 Day Break

It's Wednesday... And it's the first day of the work week for me.. hehe. i took an emergency leave Monday and Tuesday to be at home with my husband and kids. ANd though I had to take care of them, the two-day home rest is very much appreciated.

Nakakatamad tuloy magtrabaho.. Hehehehehe...

Jollibee

*Sorry blurry picture*

Aside from Mr. Bean's Holiday (which my kids have watched for maybe a hundred times), their favorite video is Jollibee's Ang Pamilya. It is one of 5 VCDs released by Jollibee last year to educate young kids, and truly, my kids love it!

Whenever we want them inside our room, our lure would be... "Nood tayo Jollibee!" And surely, they would run and excitedly await the video. Once playing, they would jump and dance with the music, and quietly watch during the lecture part.

It is because of this video that my Baby James got to know Jollibee.. So whenever he sees Jollibee, he would point, and say something like "..Bee". Hehe. He still does not talk much so let's excuse him...

Anyway, Jay and I have always been Mcdo fans.

Morphed!

Hahahahahhaha. EEEEEw.... This is Jay and I's morphed image... I don't know... I find it funny... But it does look like a normal person right?

The Beans and the Carrot

Hindi ko gusto ang food presentation na ito. For me, I find it offensive kasi I think it is a bit suggestive. I don't know. Baka ako lang ang kung anu- ano ang pinagiisip. Haha

What do you think?

Greenhills Shopping

After several failed plans to go to Greenhills, Jay and I finally went there yesterday. Grabe, ang dame ko napamili! For just 3000 pesos, I was able to buy 10 blouses, 1 pants, and 1 sandals. Grabe ang saya!!!!

Actually, at first, medyo nahirapan ako mamili.. Hindi kasi talaga ako bumibili ng mga damit that costs more than 300, actually, 200 pa nga eh. But I realized na talagang nagmahal na ang mga damit ngayon, at I should raise my cap a little bit. And I did. konti lang. ANd after I bought my 2nd blouse, dire-diretso na!!! Shopping spree ito! I had so mch fun beacuse I rarely buy things for myself, at lalong hindi ang ganito karami.

Nagpadagdag pa ng saya ko is that hindi grumpy kasama si Jay kahapon. hehe. Normally, when we go to Greenhills or anywhere to shop, mainit ang ulo nun. Ayaw niya kasi. But kahapon, masayahin siya, cracked a lot of jokes, was sweet the whole time, at may halong pambobola pa. Hahahaha.

Salamat mahal. :)

DEATH OF AN ANGEL

She was supposed to be a HE, the 5th boy apo of the LArgueza family. When she came out at around 9am, I remembered how we cheered that she was actually a girl. Finally!

But she was very small. 5 lbs at full term. Also, she had very small ears that almost had no opening, no ankle bones on the left foot, and she had a hole on her palate. She was not normal.

We were saddened by her case, but we were hopeful; never doubting she would make it through despite everything. We were proven wrong 8 hours after. While everybody thought she was just peacefully, she was no longer breathing by 5PM.

And so she's gone... faster than she arrived... She left us with feelings of disbelief & sadness (for her parents: grief).

For those who have little faith, questions would surely arise, and no answers to follow. BUt for us who believe in the goodness of the Lord, though numerous questions are there, there is one complete answer.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

TALO

I lost. Tsk tsk. I was praying for God to give me good letters, for Him to five me high scoring consonants, but I forgot to ask for vowels as well. Haha. I was unable to use my consonants as I had no vowels during the latter part of the game. I was beaten by a very big margin. both my opponents scored more than a hundred points higher than I did. Tsk tsk. Terrible isn't it?

I really wanted to win, I really thought I could win, but bad luck took over, and that was it... Good thing, I was not as upset as I thought I would be. I was fearing that if I lose, I would really be miserable and would really cry. Maybe God consoled my spirit, for though I was disappointed, I was immediately able to accept it.

Truly God is good. Thank you God, you have not let me won, but you have made me stronger.

I was afraid, but God gave me the courage to face, and rise above my fears.

2nd Round of Elimination

Haaaay. Grabe, kinakabahan ako. Mamaya, 2nd round of eliminations na sa Scrabble ng aming Sportsfest. I won the first round, but this time I will be facing those who also won. Kalaban ko pa ang sup ko at isa sa aming mga Operations Manager. O diba, mga bigatin? haaaay.

Anyway, natutuwa rin naman ako. Gusto ko kasi talagang maglaro, at ngeenjoy talaga ako sa Scrabble.

Gusto ko na mg-4 pm!!!!

The Da Vinci Code

I have long wanted to read this book or to watch the film. Last night, I had the opportunity to watch it, and man, was I disappointed.

I love mysteries, and surely this movie falls into that category. However, no matter how I try to be open-minded about it, no matter how I try to be appreciative of it, I just did not like the movie.

I don't know, maybe I could appreciate the book a lot better...

Haay naku. Ang tagal tagal ko na hindi nagsusulat. Ewan ko ba. Gusto ko magsulat ng magsulat, pero minsan, wala lang ako masabi. Haha.

Siguro ngayon I better talk na lang about Jay's new job. Nung una sobrang very hesistant kami na mag-panggabi siya. Syempre diba, mahirap naman talaga na pagkatapos mong masanay for almost 4 years na katabi ang isa't isa matulog, biglang hindi na.

It turned out na ok naman pala. Kasi ang pasok niya ay 10pm or 11pm lang, by the time he leaves, sobrang antok na ako at ready na matulog. Maganda rin na maaga ako nakakauwi kaya mahaba parin naman ang time namin together. Yun nga lang, imbis na matulog na kami, siya ay aalis at ako ang matutulog mag-isa.

Maganda rin na weekends off naman siya, so we still have quality time then.

Siguro, it just goes to show na even if we dont get excatly what we want, the Lord makes sure that everything works out for us still. Hindi man niya ibigay ang ating bawat kahilingan, hindi naman niya tayo pababayaan...

Thank you Lord.

Death

Last Saturday, we went to the wake of an aacquaintance who committed suicide. He was my husband's basketball teammate, and though I was not close with him, his death still affected me much.

We know that problems are everywhere, I would not think anyone is spared from them. What I am thinking of right now though is what are the people who comits suicide feeling to commit such an act? I think it is not really with the problem per se. People who have similar problems react to them differently, so I guess it would be more of the actual feeling. How depressed were they? Or is it just craziness? Hopelessness with their life?

It also made me think of how awful it must have been for his parents who first saw him. It must have been unbearable. Imagine seeing the body of your lifeless son hanging from the ceiling... Just the thought of them makes me cry... I wonder if I will be able to bear it? Most probably not.

Death- always bad, always sad... And will always leave you with something to think of.

Sore Eyes

Had sore eyes for two days, so I was not able to report to work. Actually, I did so, but was sent home immediately. Though I did not want to be absent, it was really a blessing in disguise for me as I was able to stay home and spend some time with Jay. As I have previously posted, he just started training and surely a lot of stories are to be told.

Well, I am back now, and I have a lot to catch up on. Not that I need to, but I want to.

Night Shift

After months of deliberation and hoping otherwise, Jay finally accepted a night-shift job offer. It was a difficult decision, becuase I had been very vocal about my difficulties sleeping at night without him, and had gotten used to the quantity and quality time we were able to spend together once I get home. But it was a decision we had to make. We prayed hard and we lifted everything to God. We asked Him for guidance and this is where he lead us.

I now pray that He'll continue to guide us, and to help us through the difficulties.

God's Grace

I am still a bit shaken right now.

Barely 20 minutes ago, while I was on my way to work, our bus got held-up. I was not completely aware of the suroundings that time; half of me was sleepy, and the other half was busy daydreaming about the day ahead. Suddenly, 6 men stood up all at once and started making noice. I couldn't quite decipher what they were saying, but when I saw the small pocketknife, no words were needed.

There was one hold-upper beside me, for reasons I do not know, he reached for the man in front of me instead. He was pointing the knife at the guy, asking for his cellphone. At this time, I was already shaking with fear, silently calling out for God's help. I was almost reaching for my phone and camers, ready to give them up for my safety.

But God was in control. Less than ten seconds after they stood up, they all went down the bus. I was not touched, I was saved.

I cried when it was over. I can't help but be overwhelmed with God's presence and power over my life. At this low point in my life I was somehow losing faith, thinking that my life is going nowhere. But today, He showed me that He is still in control.

And to you God I lift up my life. Thank you.

Loyalty awarded by betrayal

Last night's non-eviction of Wendy Valdez showed us that we, the viewers, are not really the ones who has to power to choose who will get booted out.

Our first dose of disappointment came almost a week ago when despite the viewers' obvious hatred with Wendy, she did not get evicted. OKay, granting that Nel supporters became complacent, I gave it another chance. Come Thursday, Bruce got evicted. Okay, Wendy was still saved but at least it was him who got evicted. As we know all those who hate Wendy also hate Bruce. Worse for him is that he no longer has the supporters that Wendy has. SO finally, last night. Everyone was anticipating the exit of Wendy. We were all disappointed.

It was announced by Toni that last night's eviction was able to garner the most number of votes from all the PBB editions. Do they know the reason why? Because the whole PBB-watching Filipino community voted to get Wendy out. I for example, have watched all PBBs and other contests in ABS and never have I wasted precious money on voting. Not until I wanted Wendy evicted. I voted all the other 4 HMs more than I should, and I believe all those who hated Wendy tried to do as well. Despite our efforts though, she is still inside.

I am not discounting the fact that she still has supporters. But I doubt that they would be able to pool AT LEAST 717,484 votes (19.31%, IF she was the 4th lowest). Hear the people shouting "Wendy Labas". Truly, someone who is hated that much by the crowd should not be included in the Big 4. This shows us that the results truly were manipulated.

Manipulation may not have been done by ABS-CBN. If they are thinking of the show, of ratings, then they would not have let Wendy win becuase this would make the viewers angry, and totally lose interest in the show. It could have been done by a rich supporter (some would say DOM), a politician, a company, or a rival of ABS-CBN out to destroy the fan-base of the show. We can only guess.

The end-point is, we have tried to make the choice. The chance was given to us, we COULD VOTE; but the power was not, we COULD NOT EVICT.

So much for "Nasa inyong mga kamay kung sino ang mapapabilang sa Big Four...".

We have been loyal. We have supported the show, staying up late at night and voting. This is what we got in return.

We got betrayed.

Basura sa Loob at Labas ng Bahay

Nitong mga nakaraang linggo, baduy man kung baduy, pero saobrang nahumaling ako sa Pinoy Big Brother Season 2. Ang dahilan: Si Wendy.

For no reason whatsoever do I watch PBB religiously because I like her; in contrast, I watch it because I hate her so much.

The past few days, she had been attacking the sweet and gentle Gee-ann and Beatriz. ANg kapal ng mukha niya. Oops, sorry for my language.

Anyone who was able to see at least one of the last few episodes would more than likely share my sentiments. Nakakabwisit talaga siya. Walang tigil siya sa pagbitaw ng mga masasakit at mapanirang salita, sa pangaapi, sa pagpapakita ng kanyang masamang ugali. Haay, ayaoko na masyadong mgexpound dahil nabwbwisit lang ako.

Ngayon, lagi tuloy laman ng usapan sa bahay ang pagkabwisit namin kay Wendy. Miski nga sa news, pinapakita na bwisit ang buong Pilipinas sa kanya.

Sa isang banda nga ay naaawa ako sa kanya eh. Dahil ngayon pa lamang ay sobrang dami ng malisyoso at mapanirang balita tungkol sa kanya. Totoo man yun o hindi, pangit man ang pinapakita niya sa loob ng bahay, pakiramdam ko pa rin ay hindi nararapat na makalakal ang buhay niya kay=tulad ng nangyayari ngayon. Yun nga lang, ang lahat ng iyon ay kagagawan rin niya.

Tsk Tsk Tsk.

Puro basura kasi ang inilabas niya sa bahay eh, puro basura tuloy ang lumabas tungkol sa kanya.

Vacation Leave

Masarap magpahinga. Kahapon, inenjoy ko ang isa sa mga ipinagkaloob na VL sa amin. Wala naman akong espesyal na ginawa. Sinamahan ko lang ang aking mommy mamili ng materyales at nagpahinga sa bahay. Kahit ganoon, masayang-masaya ako sa akong naging pahinga. Nakalaro ko ang aking mga anak, nakapiling ang aking mahal na asawa, at syempre, nalayo panandalian sa trabaho.
Sa Lunes, naka-leave ulit ako. HIndi na ako makapaghintay. Hehehe.

I know. I am Ningas-Kugon.

I hate myself for being what you would call ningas-kugon. I start out on a project passionately, but somewhere in the middle, I lose my fire and stop.

Take this blogging for example. I have noticed that my posts have dwindled. Not that I don't want to write.It is just that i can't seem to. I really try, promise.. But I just cant.

Another example is my photography. I had really been into it. I bought a new camera, saved a lot of photography websites on my favorites, practiced a lot.. But now I have stopped taking pictures altogether.

Tsk tsk.

Thinking about it, I am inclined to blame it on my mediocre output. I mean, I am not proud of what i produce... sadly, not even satisfied.

I try and try, and yet I am unable to be the genius that I hope to be.

We could say I have very high expectations.

But I am more convinced that I just have very low potential.

Happy Birthday to Me!

My teammates surprised me with this greeting over our widescreen projector. Sweet.

Also bought me a delicious cake from Red Ribbon.

Thank you Guys....

Birthday

It's my birthday tomorrow.

I have nothing special planned, and maybe that is my fault. I am not really excited about my birthday; I have been asked sveral times about what I want to do, but there is nothing I could think of.

I wonder why?

I have always been religious when it comes to celebrating birthdays, anniversaries and special days. I used to believe that on those days, one needs to celebrate and feel special.

Now, I wonder what has changed?

Is it my age? Have I lost the enthusiasm that children exhibit?

Is it my disposition? Have I become too bored or burdened with life that I no longer want to celebrate it?

Or maybe I just like surprises.

Reklamo

Nakakaantok.

Ang hirap talaga kapag kailangan mong gumising ng alas-4 ng umaga.
Ang hirap magtrabaho kapag gusto mo lang matulog o magbabad sa iyong kama.

May bago ba? E mahirap naman talaga kumita ng pera.
O mahirap talagang magpaka-kuntento at mawalan ng reklamo sa buhay?

Siguro yung pangalawa. Tama na nga, hindi na ako magrereklamo. Tutal naman, mahal ko naman ang trabaho ko, ang mga katrabaho ko, at ang pinagtratrabahuhan ko.

E bakit kaya may reklamo pa rin ako? Kasi nga siguro, mahirap makuntento.

Sino Ako?

Sa kapapanood ko ng Pinoy Big Brother, napa-isip tuloy ako.Tatlong magkakaugnay na tanong ang ngayon ay naglalaro sa aking isipan.

Una, kung ako ang nasa loob ng bahay, anong klaseng paguugali, pagkatao o personalidad ang makikita sa akin ng mga manonood? Anong klaseng tao ba ako sa paningin ng iba?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang sagot sa tanong na iyun. Dahil na rin marahil sa hindi ko alam ang sagot sa pangalawang tanong ko: Ano ba ang pagkakakilala ko sa sarili ko? Ano ba ako sa paningin ko? Mukhang madaling tanong, tutal sino ba ang pinakanakakakilala sa atin kundi ang ating sarili? Pero isang tanong na talagang nahihirapan akong sagutin. Katunayan, ayaw na ayaw kong tinatanong sa mga interviews nung ako ay nagaapply ng trabaho ng "Describe yourself".Nastre-stress ako dahil nakikita ko kung paano ko hindi kilala ang aking sarili. Mahirap na kalagayan.

Dahil hindi ko alam ang sagot sa mga tanong na aking unang nabanggit, hindi ko rin mapigilang makaramdam ng insecurities. Pakiramdam ko, kung ako ang nasa PBB, ako ay magiging isang walang kwentang housemate. Walang dating, walang personalidad. E kung ako nga eh, hindi ko makita kung ano ako, hindi ko makita ang kagalingan o kagandahan ko, paano pa kaya yung iba? Syempre ito, hindi lang naman sa PBB. Kahit sa pangaraw-araw na buhay. Ako ba ang klase ng tao na gugustuhin mong makilala? Gaganda o sasaya ba ang buhay mo kung ako ay iyong kaibigan? Parang hindi eh. Hindi ko nga rin maisip ang sarili ko bilang bida sa isang nobela o sa isang pelikula eh. Sa mga libro ni Danielle Steel o si Sideney Sheldon kasi, and aking mga paboritong manunulat, ang mga bidang babae ay laging maganda, matalino, may karakter.

Nakakalungot noh? Na hindi mo kilala ang sarili mo. Dagdagan pa ng liit ng tingin sa sarili, ng kawalan ng kumpiyansa o bilib sa sarili.

Dahil dito, gustong sagutin ang aking pangatlong tanong: Sino ba akong talaga? Hindi kung ano lamang ang nakikita ng iba, hindi kung ano ang iniisip ko, kundi ang tunay na ako. Yung akong ginawa ng Panginoon. Sigurado, dahil gawa ng Panginoon, espesyal ang akong iyon. Sigurado, may halaga at may kwenta.

At gusto ko na siyang makilala.

I'm back

Hello! I'm back from Batangas (actually kahapon pa naman, kaso tinamad ako mgsulat, sorry!) and okay naman ang naging outing namin. Okay dahil medyo disappointing yung lugar. Harhar. Actually, the beach is still beautiful. Light brown sand & clear blue-green water...

ANg problem, yung resort na tinulugan namin. Admittedly, naghanap ako ng medyo mura para mapilit ko si mommy na matuloy ang outing namin. Dahil dun, nascrifice pala ang quality at beauty ng t=resort. Hehe. We stayed at Triple-G resort in Laiya Beach and our cottage cost P7000 good for 15 people. Meron na siyang 3 queen size bed so mga 10 yung makakahiga and the rest slept on the floor. May kitchen and bathroom naman siya but medyo icky na yung banyo. Hehe. Last year kasi we stayed in Sabangan. The cottage was more expensive, P9000 for 9 people. Pero definitely mas maganda dun. Malinis at maganda ang banyo at kwarto at kumpleto rin ang mga gamit sa kusina. At ang pinakadisappointment ko sa Triple G, ay hindi kami beachfront tapos may picnic area pa sila na free ang entrance kaya sobrang dameng tao na ngswiswimming. :(

So medyo disappointed ako... Bitin pa... I think yung family ko and yung kasama namain nabitin rin dahil nagkakaakitan naman ngayon to go to GAlera. Haha. Matuloy kaya kami? We'll see.

My Celeb Look-alikes

Can someone tell this face recognition software that I do not look like Toni Morrison?!

All my bags are packed & I'm ready to go

I'm not leaving on a jetplane. I am just going to our annual family outing and I am soooooo excited.

We are not going anywhere far, hence no jetplane. The distance though, or the lack of it, is not an issue. We are going to Laiya Beach in San Juan Batangas and those who are unable to go to the white beaches of Puerto GAlera for one reason or another can go to this place instead.

More about the place when I get back.

I'm still at work right now and my mind can't help but fly 120kms south. Who can blame me? Our family's outings always turn out to be fun so anticipation is quite normal. I just hope that the outing will meet all my expectations...

Anyway, I'm leaving tomorrow, and I can hardly wait...

Happiness

I have long thought to myself what happiness really is. How do we define it? What makes up happiness? Is it feeling totally free from negative emotions, or is it being contented with what you have, or is it simply a state of mind? I wish to define it not because I have turned philosophical nor because I want to be the next Mr Webster, but because I want to know if I could say I am truly happy.

I find it hard to define happiness because there are questions that bothers me about the state of being happy. Is happiness an overwhelming and absolute feeling? By that I mean, do we say we are happy only when there is nothing more in our life that we could ask for? Could we be happy only when everything is perfect? Inversely, are we not happy when there are still aspects of our life that need improvement?

I am bothered by these because if Yes is the answer to all those questions, then truly I could not be happy. And I do not want to think I am not.

So I am trying to see it now with a different perspective. Maybe we dont need a perfect life to be happy. Maybe happiness is born not out of circumstances that we are in, but from the attitude that we possess regarding these circumstances. Our lives may still leave a lot to be desired, yet, happiness could be found within. How? Let me quote William H. Sheldon:

"Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation."

So happiness is not really about what we have now, but what we believe we are going to achieve. It is not about not wanting anything else for our lives, but knowing that in time we'd get it. Or actually, maybe we won't even get it, but the journey, doing something, towards the kind of life that we want is enough to make us happy.

Luckily, there is something that makes this journey more fulfilling for some. It is the presence of loved ones that we travel together with. People who hold our hands on our way to wherever we are going. For me, that would be Jay and my kids. The people who make my happiness more complete.

Now, I should be able to say without doubt that I am happy. I still have a lot of dreams and prayers for my life, but I am on my way there.

WE are on our way there.

Motorcade

Since we were young, our family has been very much involved in politics. My dad has been campaign manager for several candidates already, and maintaned close relationship with those he helped elect. I think that given more charm, my dad would have ran for a post as well. Hahahaha.

This year was no exception for us. Our family actively particiapted in the campaign of our family friend ( Jay&I's Ninong) Mayor Er Ejercito. Last Saturday, we had a motorcade wherein thousands of people paraded to show their support and love for their incumbent Mayor.

*The flags we made and distributed to participating cars

* Truckloads of people joined despite the sweltering heat, all out of support to the Mayor.

* Almost a hundred motorcycles lead the parade

* MOre pictures at www.mommydyanne.multiply.com

Something to Write

I wanted to write something yet I am unable to think of something beautiful. My creative juices seem to be drying up from too much thinking. It is not that I have too many problems, but that my imagination is so active it almost never stops. Give me one free moment and surely, my mind will be flying off somewhere.

I guess this is one reasson why the question "Anong iniisip mo?" is so much a part of my everyday communication. I assume that if one is doing nothing, then he will surely be thinking of something. Is that true, are all of us like that? Or is it just me?

Anyway, I still can't come up with something to write. Or, have I?

A Low Day

There are days when I feel good about myself. Days when I am confident and almost delude myself to believing I am worthy to be called beautiful. These are happy days.

There are days though that I get to the opposite end of the feel good pole. Days when I feel conscious and unpretty. Fortunately, I would not call myself ugly during these days, but mediocrity is not enough for me to be pleased with myself. These are, though not sad, what I would describe as low days.

Today I am having a low day. I don't like how I look.

And it's really getting me.

Take Me Home

It is just 15 more minutes til I get home. 15 minutes seem short when you are having a break, or when you are already running late, but it seems like an eternity when you're waiting to get home.

I am doing nothing yet I am very tired. My muscles are sore, my head aching, and as if that is not enough, my stomach's rumbling as well.

I want to go home, and yet I am bothered with the knowledge that I will soon be facing horrendous traffic in an uncomfortable van.

Maybe there is a way to simply shut my eyes and I'm home. Maybe there is magic...

Will a fairy please wave a magic wand over me... Get me home before I become too tired to be a good company to my family...

Or maybe I don't need magic...

Lord, give me patience... that I might not get infuriated with the traffic..
give me strength.. that I might have enough energy to last me through the rest of the day..

Back In Action

My Beloved Camera is back!!!!

Got it from the Service Center yesterday and it is all good!

Yipeee!!!!

My friend Lesley

I miss you friend! Wala lang, minsan naiisip ko lang na sana you are still here... I really love the times kapag kumpleto tayo nina Bang and Pili, sobrang saya... Ngayon kulang na naman kami...

My Thank you List April 23-29

1. Good workweek.No issues, no problems, no unnecessary stress. Good officemates, good workload and good stats.

2. Merienda, Pasyal & Dinner with Family.The Paguio family likes going out, and last Tuesday we were able to do so after a long time of home confinement. Haha. Went to Eastwood then transferred to Market Market for a merienda of Razon's Halo-halo. Went around a bit and then had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, House of Minis. Arrived home about 12 midnight already and I was really bone tired as I woke up 400 that day for work. It was okay though, check #3 for the reason.

3. Mid-week rest.It was ANZAC Day (a holiday in Australia) last April 25 and because of that, we had no work. I was able to rest and enjoy the company of my family the whole day.

4. SWELDO!!!I think the 25th is the highlight of my every month as this is the day that I get a few thousand bucks richer. Yipee!!!! What made it special is that I was able to give my Mom some money to spend for the house.

5. Opening of an account.It feels so good that Jay and I were able to open a joint account with Banco de Oro. Good because we own something with both our names on it. Better because we have sufficient savings to be able to move out anytime.

6. Delicious Kare-kare and Inihaw na Pusit Dinner.We ate these dishes Friday night and it was satisfying. Sulit ang bayad.

7. Our weekly ritual.We had Cali and San Mig Light plus Sashimi and Cheesesticks. Add a lot of kwento and it makes up a nice night.

8. Worship with Jay.It was a very big step for Jay to accompany me to Sunday worship and I am very thankful for that. Makes worship even more meaningful when I am with my husband, as we should be together in our walk with God. I strongly pray that this would be repeated.

9. Krispy KremeA visit to Megamall would not be complete without buying my favorite donuts!

10. Good night sleep.I was transferred from the 6am-3pm sched to the 9am-6pm. Thus, I was able to have a good sleep last night, and I believe for the rest of the month as well.

Maricris and my cortisol level

Why is it that getting irritated with people on TV beginning to be a habit for me?

It started out with this Hope girl. And now, the next victim: Maricris from PBB.

Well, I can hardly call her a victim. She is irritating and infuriating, and she really stresses me out. I actually dont want to go into the details of the things that makes me irritated with her, as I do not want to get my blood pressure up right now.

Suffice to say that I think watching PBB would definitely be easier to the heart if she would be removed ASAP. No one needs the heightened release of cortisol that watching her elicits. Cortisol they say, is the stress hormone, released in high levels to our body during stressful situations. While this hormone is an important and helpful part of the body’s response to stress, too much of it in prolonged levels have shown to have negative effects.

And to maintain my body's stress level, I'd rather remove her from the show than stop watching. Forgive me for being "masa" but I really like PBB.

*Please note that my irritation with her is not as a person, but as a character on TV. She has done nothing wrong to me personally, so the grudge I hold against her is not personal as well.

Quotes from Sunday Worship

" I know I am not yet what I ought to be, nor I am what I want to be.. but thank God that I am no longer what I used to be."

" The conscious (or modest) water saw his God, and blushed..." ( Referring to the miracle at Canaa)

" What you are thunders so loudly I cannot hear what you're saying to the contrary."

" If you want to tell the people what God can do for them, show them what your God has done to you."

These are some of the quotes that were mentioned last Sunday worship. Just wanted to share because they really had an impact on me. Simple yet very meaningful.

Overused Brain

Is there an effective way to rest the mind? Rest in such a way that I will be free from the hundred-thoughts-a-minute that run through my tired yet still very active brain.

As one OPM goes, "It doesnt matter where I am... Thoughts of you still linger in my mind, no matter what time of day..." I am not gonna continue with the stanza as my thoughts are not really focused on one person I am in love with ( not that I am not in love), but with anything and everything under the sun.

My brain activity is a barrage of thoughts varying from visions of my mansion, to plans for an outing, to fantasizing the new job for Jay, to computing budget for moving out, and though I dont like it, to names of the schedulers I transact with running through my mind as well.

Aaaargh!

I am now reminded of an experiment I learned in Psych, Restricted Environmental Stimulation Therapy (REST). It is a form of sensory deprivation wherein the volunteer is submerged in an isolation tank with salty water at skin temperature and is lightless and soundproof. Its aim is to deny the mind of any sensory stimuli and in effect cause relaxation.

I wonder if that will work for me. Will my mind be able to rest if I hear, see or feel nothing? I actually have doubts. Besides, even if it will be able to help me, where would I get that isolation tank? TSk Tsk. I am back to not having any solutions to my plight.

As the famous line of The Mask goes, please:

"Somebody stop me!"

I Feel Free / Rythm of The Night

I was greeted early morning today by this video. As I was not prepared to reminisce, nostalgia swept over me like a wave. I cant help but get teary-eyed as I watch scenes from my beloved Psychsoc days.

This video was taken way back 2002, when I was in my 3rd year. I was very active with Psychsoc then, attending almost all activities and participating very actively. There are people who do not understand the value of belonging to an organization in college. I do not blame them, as they were not able to experience the all that I have with Psychsoc.

The Psychsoc tambayan, or nook as we call it, was my home in college. I spent all my vacant hours there with those that I considered more than just friends, but family. These were the people I was with everyday, and made my college life truly memorable.

The dance was also from the same time, and seeing it makes me want to dance once again. I may not be considered a dancing queen, but dancing really is one of my passions. Unfortunately, it now belongs to the passions I am unable to cultivate.I no longer have the opportunities to dance now, and I truly miss it. When I dance, I feel so free and happy. No wonder I joined all dance presentations I could from grade school up to 3rd year college.

As I reflect on what this video was able to give me, I am reminded of a conversation that Jay and I once had regarding pictures. Photos, or in this case videos, are more than just an image of what you look like at a certain time and place in the past. They serve as a reminder not only of how you looked, but all the feelings and significance of the event that was captured. When I look at pictures, I get to remember how it was during that time, I get to feel all the joy, or even sadness once again.

And it makes life even more beautiful.

Things that I was thankful for last week

I know that there are a lot of things that I am wishing for, things that I have long prayed for and yet havent received. Despite this, I don't want to be discouraged and disappointed. I want to remain strong in my faith and to continually be grateful to all the blessings the Lord has given me. Beacuse of this, I would like to examine my life weekly, and check for the things that I am thankful for. Hopefully, as I acknowledge all the good things happening in my life, I would be a happier person...

1. Light workload
The weeks before and after the Holy Week were really very toxic. We were bombarded by tons of emails and faxes that need to be processed immediately. Thankfully, things came back to normal come Monday. We were back to working on a steady pace, and there were lots of time to relax and take a breather before we tackle the next case.

2. Going home to Laguna
Wednesday, Apr 18 was the wedding of my brother-in-law Jef to Malou. I arrived at about 630 pm already so I was not able to attend the ceremonies, but as with any other wedding day I suppose, the celebration extended til late at night so I was still able to share some of the joy that was abundant that day. There were still plenty of food left and I was able to enjoy lechon, sugpo, plus sweet and sour fish. Add to that a dessert of ice cream and my day was made!

3. Not being late Thursday
We left Pagsanjan at 430 and because there was a slight unexpected buildup in SLEX, I arrived just 6 minutes before login.

4. Golidilocks Production Manager
Jay got an interview invitation from Goldilocks for a Production Manager position. This may not end up as the right job for him but now, we welcome and are happy for every opportunity to land "that perfect job".

5. Going out with Jay and eating my favorites
Because of the kids, Jay and I rarely get the chance to have even just a simple date. Last Saturday though, we had the chance when Andre went to Pagsanjan with his Mamita. We went to Megamall as this is where our newest favorites could be bought. Razon's Halo-halo for him and Krispy kreme doughnuts for me. Yum yum.
While we were on the queue to park, we were almost regretting going to Megamall. The line was not moving at all, and we were thinking that it would take us hours before we could find a parking space. Thank God though that immediately after being allowed to enter the parking building, we were able to find a space for our car. Wow.
Another bonus for us that day is the complimentary donut that was given to us, even though we just bought 3 donuts. And being the glutton that I am, after eating my donuts and halo-halo, I still had to buy Spicy Cassava Chips from Matahari. Please forgive me, they're my favorites.

6. Inuman session with Jay
Weird as it may seem, Jay and I often have drinking sessions in our room. We would drink about a can of San Mig Ice each, or sometimes I would just drink Cali, and eat a bag or two of chips. It is just an activity that we enjoy doing. Sometimes we get tipsy, sometimes no effect, and there had been times we really hot drunk. Haha.

7. Sunday worship
After 4 long years, I attended worship again. Luckily, I was able to find a nearby church at home so I was not away for a long time. It was such a refreshing feeling ot be able to praise and worship God again with a congreagation. I felt really blessed and whole after. Truly an experience to be repeated.

8. Turon and Kwek-kwek
Lucky offered to share the expenses with me so we asked Inggo to buy ingredients for Turon and Kwek-kwek. Of course, I was the one who had to cook everything so it was a bity tiring. I did not mind it though because I feel good whenever I cook, as if I am fulfilling my role of being a wife. Haha. But as another reward, I ate plenty of kwek-kwek and turon.

Camera & Faith

Sira ang camera ko ngayon. For reasons I dont know, bigla nlang ayaw niyang magnukas para kumuha ng pictures. Pwede kong tignan ang mga pictures na nakuha ko na dati, pero tuwing bubuksan ko ang lens, tutunog siya ng kakaiba at biglang magsasara. Weird dahil nung Friday ay nagamit ko pa siya para kumuha ng litrato ng baby ni Pili. Hindi ko siya naibagsak, hindi siya nabasa, at walang kahit anong nangyaring kakaiba sa kanya. Pero nung Sabado, hindi ko na nga siya magamit.

Hindi ko masyado maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Nung una ay naupset ako. Sumama ang loob ko dahil nasira ang camera ko. Nagtaka rin ako dahil wala naman ngang nangyaring kakaiba sa kanya. Pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng kaba. Hanggang ngayon, panatag naman ang aking loob. Tinanong nga sa akin ng asawa ko kung natatakot o kinakabahan ba ako sa maaring maging gastos o hindi na pagkakagawa ng camera ko. Ang sabi ko, oo ngat hinihiling ko na sana walang gastos, pero hindi naman ako kinakabahan. Ang sinabi kong dahilan:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" Philippians 4:6

Hindi masyadong naniniwala si Jay dito. Ngayon, ang aking hiling ay sana, maimpluwensyahan siya ng aking faith. Sana, pareho kaming maniwala. Naniniwala kasi akong ang aming pananamapalataya ang mgadadala sa amin sa aming mga pangarap. Kung wala nun, baka wala kaming marating....

Renewed Faith

For a long time, I have been living in darkness. I moved and went through my life without the guiding light and hand of the Lord. I faced my problems, pursued my dreams, and simply lived my life by myself (technically with Jay, but in essence...), neglecting the relationship I once had with God. I had my excuses, valid ones none.

Recently, I am faced with some hardships that I find hard to overcome. I try to do all that is humanly possible, and yet nothing. I was almost losing hope, getting discouraged and depressed by the day. And then I heard Him knocking again.

I cant tell you how it happened, or what actually happened. All I can tell you is that in an instant, I was reading the bible and praying. I was crying when I finished. I realized then what was missing in my life, and that was the Lord.

Now, I could say I have a renewed relationship with Him. My faith was restored and my life is finally on the right track. I have yet to reach my dreams, but now that I have surrendered my life to Him, I know I would be there soon.

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, I Offer My Life To You

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life


Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.

Chorus

What can we give that you have not given
And what do we have that is not already yours
All that we possess is the life we are living
and that is what we offer you lord

Chorus

I love this praise and worship song. This song really moves me, and makes me cry a lot of times.

I miss Praise and Worship...

Ang Birthday Ng Mahal Ko

Last April 8, my beloved husband celebrated his birthday. I wanted to give him something special, but he did not want me to buy anything for him. I had wanted to write him letters, but I do that everyday anyway, so scratch. I then thought of just preparing a simple feast for him. Simple, yes. A feast, not really. Hehe.

I am not really good in cooking, the only times I cooked was when we were living in San Pedro, so cooking for him on his birthday is really something I am happy about. I prepared spaghetti and mango cream cake for him. It was a simple merienda, but one that was prepared with much love. He said he liked what I cooked. Good. But I could not claim all credit as he also helped me in cooking the spaghetti. We shared the food with his family and mine, I did not hear any negative feedback so I guess I passed as a cook for a day. Haha.

I have to mention that we actually went to church and pray. We havent really done that much, and it may be one reason why our prayers are not yet being answered. So we went and we prayed. we asked for forgiveness, and we sought His help. We know we need His guidance in our lives, and we acknowledged that to Him. We went to the nearby mall afterwards and just let the babies enjoy their new bike.

Come dinnertime, we went to Yellowbell, the local bar and restaurant in Pagsanjan. I like it there because it has a nice ambience, and you have privacy because you have your own hut. We just had Japanese dinner and a bottle of beer each. We love drinking together. Hehe.

The day ended without me giving anything special to my love. I hope though that even with my simple actions, I was able to show him how much I love him, and how blessed I am that he was born into this world, and into my life...

Black Saturday Outing

Good Friday

As the custom is in Pagsanjan, there was a prusisyon last Good friday. Wanting to ask forgiveness for all sins committed, Jay and I joined and walked in penance.

**this picture is scary. this was taken from the back, so the hair is shown and because it was dark, the statue seems headless!**

Holy Thursday

As I was working for and with Australian and not Filipino clients, I still had to work while all of my family was already in Pagsanjan. Worse is that since it will be a long weekend, there was tons of work to do. We were paid double plus a 200 allowance though, Thank God.

I finished my work at 3pm and headed home to Laguna. I was not looking forward to this trip, as I was fearing the worst for the traffic. Fortunately, none of my fears materialized. I was able to ride without a problem and was able to reach Pagsanjan in 2 hours.

Because of the hard work and the long trip, I was already very tired when I got to Pagsanjan. But as they are beginning to be our favorite games now, we still played Pictionary and Charades. This time however, we shifted teams and played with Tobby and Jalec. ( Jay and I still played with Lucky and Jen the first time and we STILL remain undefeated. HAHA) Went to the newly opened 711 in town after, and it was around 230 when we finally went to sleep. I was already bone tired by then.

Independence

Last night Jay and I had the house to ourselves and it gave me a feel again of how it is like to live on our own.

Of course, I loved it. There was peace in the air, as we were hearing no shouting or senseless chatter from people we are not really comfortable being with.

There was a feeling of independence, as we were (or Jay did) the one who cooked and cleaned.

There was freedom, as we were able to do anything we wanted.

And of course there was romance, as we know we were alone with each other. Haha.

The only thing missing I guess was the sight of our children playing, or the sound of them chattering. Andre babbling, displaying his speaking abilities more advanced for his age; and James mumbling, still unable to develop the skill for speaking.

I guess that is okay though. Occassionally being away from the kids, and spending quality time with each other is good for any couple. It makes you focus on just each other.

Sadly, the night was a bit tainted for me as I got a little disappointed. I was really not looking forward to going home to Pagsanjan from work alone, and Jay just confirmed with me last night that He is indeed going home early. It was a sacrifice I knew I had to make, but as all sacrifices are, it is something not to be thrilled about. Anyway, this belongs to another post.

All in all, last night's experience fuelled me even more to move out.

Unfortunately, there is not much for me to do now.

Pray, I guess...

Difficult Customer

haaaaaay.. just handled a very difficult customer awhile ago. and who is to blame him nga nman, when d pa niya narereceive fuel niya he ordered a week ago when he supposedly lives just houses away lang from the depot. syempre, i did my job naman, tried to explain the situation to him, but symepre, galit talaga siya. kesyo i dont know a damn thing daw at naging stupid pa ako. haaay. I dont think I am, nor do I think I know nothing, pero it really affects me. nakakapagpapangit ng pakiramdam, naging low tuloy sprits ko.. To think na i started the day pa nman having a good mood. ngayon, sira na.

Pictionary and Charades

Kagabi, naglaro kami ng Pictionary and Charades. Magkakampi si Lucky and Jen laban sa dynamite duo namin ni Jay. Hehe. At dahil dynamite nga kami, tatalunin ba naman kami?! Hehehe. Ang saya maglaro! Very exciting ang manghula, at nakakatuwa ring magpahula. Syempre kelangan mo galingan at maging creative sa pagpapahula dahil hindi naman ganun kadali ang mga titles. Halimbawa ay Raising Helen.. o kaya Sidhi. Hehe. Meron din naman madali na hindi namin mahulaan. Gaya ng 300 (sa pictionary). Nakuha na ni Jay ang 3 (tree) at hund (hand)... hindi lang niya makuha ang "red". Haha. Sobrang tili kami ng tili!

Nakakatuwa rin nung nagchaharades kami kasi syempre, masaya magarte at nakakatuwa rin panoorin yung mga umaarte. At syempre masya din dahil nahulaan namin ni Jay lahat ng pinahulaan nina Lucky. Hehe.
Nilibre nila tuloy kami ng Mcdo, kaya gusto ko na ulit maglaro.

SUCCESS

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be”

by George Sheehan

Bunini

Siya si Bunini. Anak siya ng dati kong yaya, si Ate Thers. 20 taon kaming inalagaan ni Ate Thers. Naaalala ko pa na siya ang gumigising samin tuwing umaga para pumamsok sa iskwela, siya ang nagpapaligo, siya ang nagbibihis ( syempre nung mas bata pa kami), siya ang naghahanda ng aming almusal, ang nagluluto ng aming mga pagkain. May pagkataray si Ate Thers, pero mahal ko yun. Nung ako ay 20, umalis na siya sa amin at umuwi sa probinsya. Gusto na kasi niyang magkaanak. At di nga nagtagal, ipinanganak niya si Maria Trisha. Dindin ang kaniyang ipinalayaw sa kanya, at dahil iyon sa akin. Syempre diba, nakakatuwa naman na ipinagalan niya ang kanyang anak sa akin. ( Ngunit dahil ang hirap na 2 kaming Dindin sa bahay, Bunini nlang ang tawag sa kanya ngayon.) Nung ako ay ikakasal na nung ako ay 21, pinakiusapan siya ng aking mga magulang na bumalik sa amin. Pinagbigyan naman niya kami, at kasama niyang dumating si Bunini. Grabe, ang payat payat na ni Ate Thers nun, hindi kami halos makapaniwala. Yun pala ay dahil may sakit na siya. Dumating siya sa amin ng November, at nung Feb 25 (bday niya) ay pumanaw na siya. Di katagalan, nagpakamatay naman ang kaniyang asawa at naiwang ulila si Bunini.

Kaya kinuha siya ng aking mommy. Hindi legal ang pagampon sa kanya, pero inako na ni mommy ang responsibilidad sa pagpapalaki at pagaalaga sa munting bata (1 taon palang siya nun). Nung una, walang problema. Binibilhan si Bunini ng mga kailanganniya, inaalagaan siya, at masasabi ko ring, minamahal.

Pero iba na ata ngayon eh. Nung dunating si Andre sa bahay, nabalewala na si Bunini. Ay, mali pala ang balewala. Dahil ngayon, mas natuunan siya ng pansin, hindi nga lang magandang pansin. Lagi nlang siyang pinapagalitan, binubulyawan, pinapalo. Konting kibot, pagalit. Minsan, oo nga at makulit si Bunini. Pero sa palagay ko, naging ganun lang siya dahil natuto na siyang lumaban sa mga taong lagi siyang inaaway. Sa amin naman kasi ni Jay, hindi siya sumasagot, at lagi lang sumusunod.

Naawa na tuloy ako sa kanya. Wala na siyang magulang. At mukhang wala naring nagmamahal sa kanya. Pinipilit namin ni Jay na ibigay ang dapat na pagmamahal o atensyon na nararapat sa kanya, pero hindi sapat ang kaya naming ibigay. May 2 anak rin kami na dapat mahalin at pagbuhusan ng pansin. Tuwing naiisip ko tuloy ang kalagayan nung bata, naiiyak ako. Paano ang magiging buhay niya? Oo nga at may nakakain siya, may naisusuot na damit.. Pero yun lang ba ang kailangan ng isang bata?

Moving Out

I want to move out.

At the start of the year, or actually, even way before that, I have promised myself that I will save enough to be able to live independently. Now, it's the fourth month of the year, and I am no closer to reaching my plan. Admittedly, my passion for that goal sometimes waned, just pushed aside as I think and move for more plausible plans, such as having a honeymoon.

Today though, as with the past couple of days, the fire has engulfed me once again. I am being moved by a passion so intense, making me think endlessly of possiblities that would enable me to reach my goal.

I have computed and recomputed my budget numerous times, hoping to get the expenses smaller each time. I have recounted my finances, this time hoping that they would increase each count. I have thought and engaged in several sidelines, in the hope that they would be enough to fill in my lacking finances. Unfortunately, none is to suffice.

I have even tried my luck in the lotteries, who knows, that small ticket might hold the keys to my future. Some might see it as hopeless, some as even stupid. I dont care. If 10 pesos is all I have to lose for a chance of fulfilling my dreams, then why not? Anyway, I am not leaving everything up to chance. I am simply doing all that I can. Even stupid things.

Now, I am still planning, hoping and praying. Doing all I can to reach my goal. I have always prided myself as being madiskarte and being able to do what needs to be done to reach my goals. I will not fail myself now.

I will move out.

WORK!!!!

Wow! I am now feeling what it is to work in Orders! Haha. What do I mean? Before, when I was only handling the High Worth Key Accounts, I had a lot of petics time. I am in total control of my time and I feel no pressure at all. Last Tuesday, I was tapped by our TL to backup the escalations team. Now, I also handle delivery status, returs and urgent orders. In effect, I am now cluttered with work! Haha, and I'm loving it!

This is not really something that I want to experience everyday, but right now, I am happy because I feel so useful and every case I resolve makes me feel accomplished. Haha.

Anyway.. I have to go, back to work... :)

Everyday

I kiss you softly before I go
This is how I want to start my day
I hug you tight to let you know
That I'll miss you while I'm away

When from you I am far
You must know that I feel blue
My easy day becomes real hard
Coz all I want is to be with you

So after my long day I rush home
And then everything just melts away
When you make your love known
As what your hugs and kisses say

Everyday I have you to hold
And feel your love that's true
So Everyday I thank the Lord
For blessing me with you

The Mayor's House

Went to the house of Mayor ER Ejercito last Sunday. The reason: Jay being invited to run for counsilor. Naturally, as befitting Jay's personality, he declined. No amount of courting and very hopeful predictions from the mayor and all the other counsilors made him say yes. Anyway, took pictures of some of the items there while waiting for Jay to be convinced...

High Worth Key Accounts

*Momon, Anna, Joey, Jaymee, Migs, Me, Chuty, Paula & TL Yus

...

This is the HWKA peeps. My Team. We handle the biggest and most important clients of Shell Australia, kaya feeling important din kami. Haha. I love my team. Magkakasundo naman kami, walang issues, walang irritations. We are even lucky with our TL. Bait kasi si TL Yus, kwela at generous. Dinadalhan niya kami ng pandesal sa umaga, nilibre sa MCdo nung nagabsent siya, at blowout kame buong team for dinner.

Sobrang hilig magpicture-picture ng team namin. This may be the 30th picture we've taken of our group since March 5. O diba, wala pang 1month yun...

Kaya sigurado... More to come..

Random Thoughts At The Office

Sabi nila, kapag magsulat ka raw sa isang journal, walang kailangang topic, walang kailangang flow.. Nirerecommend nga ng mga psychiatrists, para sa mag taong magulo ang isip, or kahit sa mag ataon lang na gusto ng deeper understanding sa sarili, na kumuha lang ng bolpen at papel, at magsulat ng magsulat ng kahit anu lamang na papasok sa kanilang utak.

Kaya ito ang gawin ko ngayon. Gusto ko kasi magsulat, pero wala naman akong maisip na topic. Kaya pagbigyan niyo na ako ngayon at ako ay dadaldal ng walang katuturan. Ano ba ang mga iniisip ko ngayon? Medyo marami, halo-halo, pero wala namang mabigat na isipin. Mga lakad at plano sa weekend, budget sa parating na sweldo (yehey), mga gusto kong bilhin ( mga dvds ng series ), mga outings na hindi matuloy-tuloy (officemates, family and honey), pasalubong sa anak ko, ang baby kong may sakit, ang baby kong makulit, at syempre ang mahal kong asawa.

Ang sarap kasi ng ganito, wala masyado ginagawa. Sa totoo lang, yung mga kasama ko, reklamo ng reklamo na walang trabaho, at nagagalit sila kapag may ibang gumagawa ng trabaho namin. Pero ako, keber ko ba kung walang trabaho! Masaya nga eh! May oras akong magmuni-muni, magsulat, maginternet, manood ng dvd... Magawa ang kahit anong gusto kong gawin.. Matulog nlang ata ang hindi ko pa nagagawa dito eh. Although sinabi naman ng boss namin na kapag puyat, o masama ang pakiramdam, magsabi lang at papayagan niyang umidlip sandali. O diba?

Yun nga lang, kapag wala akong ginagawa, minsan naiisip ko na sana nasa bahay nlang ako, kasi nandun ang pamilya ko eh... Pero syempre.. sabi ko nga, hindi man ako nagtratrabaho, kumikita pa rin naman ng pera eh. So konting tiis at tyaga nlang.

FOILED PLANS

Excited pa naman ako. Dapat punta kami sa amin this weekend. Wala lang, team bonding sana, just to have fun and enjoy each other's company. Plantsado na ang lahat, ayos na nag budget, ayos na ang logistics... pero bigla.. hindi na tuloy... sayang.. nakakafrustrate, nakaka-sadden... When you plan things, get excited about it, and then hinid lang siya matuloy basta. Nakakawalang gana.

If I Believe

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

I love this song.The song itself is not what is important, but the memories that it actually triggers. For one thing comes to mind when I hear this song from Patti Austin. The day I knew who I want to spend forever with.

I knew I love him even before, but on that fateful day, I learned what people mean when they say "you'll just know when he is the right one for you." There were no more doubts, questions, or fears. He is the guy for me. The guy I've been waiting for. The guy I would fulfill my dream of having a happy family with.

In retrospect, the time this song is bringing me back to is truly one of the most memorable experiences I've had. The place was not really beautiful, the food not great. But it made me see how I dont need to be in a beautiful place to be in paradise....

The Wedding

Wow. Over a handful of tissues, I've finished the novel The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks. Again, wow. The book is finished, the story has ended, and yet I still find myself crying. Not because the story was tragic, but because the story really tugged at my romantic heart.

The story is about a couple, who after 29 years of marriage are slowly drifting apart. It started with the realization of Wilson that despite his tremendous love for his wife, their marriage seems to be going downhill. He then decides that he would not let his marriage fall apart, as he knows that he is really blessed to have Jane as his wife and that he does not want to live without her. The story spans for one year, from the night Wilson forgot their 29th anniversary to the night he finally made up for all the things he was not able to give his wife. They change from a couple who is on the brink of breaking up, to a couple madly in love with each other once again.

I have always been a fan of romantic stories, and surely, an older couple who remains in love with each other after many many years would pass my standards. My heart melts whenever I see grandmas and grandpas (not necessarily real old) still holding hands, still connecting with each other through looks, words or touches. It makes me ponder how we will be in the future. Will we still be holding hands years from now? Will we be as blessed as they are? Is our love as enduring as theirs is?

With these questions in mind, I think about what we have now. Do we constantly strive to show how much we love each other?Do we constantly seek to connect through looks, words and touches? When people see us, do they see a young couple deeply in love? The answer I'm afraid is not as rosy as I would want it to be. I have to admit that there are days that we are unable to express our love, times when we fail to connect, and moments when we are just a married couple.

I still have high hopes though. For despite instances when I see that our relationship is not perfect, I am still convinced that our love would endure. I know that I am truly blessed to have you, and I know that as the years pass by, yours is still the hand I want to hold.

So maybe I should stop worrying about the future. I should just work on today, on what we have now. Instead of thinking if we will still be holding hands in the future, I will hold your hand now. I will never let a day pass without letting you feel how much I love you. I will constantly connect with you, so that even in difficulties you would know I am still with you. I will do this day after day, month after month and year after year. And most probably, before we even know it, we would already be old.. and still holding hands.

Our Tomorrow

I wonder what's in store for us tomorrow... What does the future have for us? I have to admit that sometimes I get scared... Can we reach our dreams? Are we trying our best to reach them? Is our best good enough? But of course, my faith in the Lord vanquishes my fears. I know that in the right time, He will give us what will be best for us. And that is why depite my occasional fears, I am excited about the future. I can hardly wait for the day that our dreams will start coming true. I do not know exactly what would happen, but I do know that with you, the future would definitely be beautiful...

Almost Perfect

"The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. " - Tom Robbins (1936 - ), Still Life With Woodpecker

I know I am not perfect. In fact, I know I'm far from it. Most of the times I think of myself as mediocre, in more depressing moments I slide down to being below average. I have to admit I didnt think of myself that way before. I used to see myself as a prize catch, worthy of admiration from anyone. I may have lacked humility and wisdom to know better. Continually falling short from expectations and ideals that are either implicitly or otherwise imposed on me made me see how flawed I am. Gone is my bloated feeling of self-worth. Sometimes, I cannot even see the shadow of the "Great Me" I thought I was.

I know now that I have made a lot of mistakes. I have a lot of what parents ( and of course, husbands as well) wish none for their child ( and wife). Bad experiences, incorrect choices, and even a tainted character. Moreover, I lack what they would have wished for me instead. Qualities that make a perfect daughter, wife and a mother.

Is it too late for me then? Because of what I have been in the past, did I already lose my chance to be an ideal woman? I would think sometimes that I deserve a 2nd, and even a 3rd chance. I would think that my past should not define me, and that I could totally transform to something beautiful even if I started out ugly. Look how ordinary sand could lose all its graininess and develop into a smooth and beautiful glass. But other times it seems that it is just an unreachable dream. My past does not seem to leave me, it continues to haunt and penalise me for the things I have done. There seems to be no escape from the pit I have dug myself into.

I guess this is where love interferes. When everything about me is shouting of mediocrity and even ugliness, maybe, just maybe, love could change me. When alone I cannot remove the bad in me, maybe someone with love would be able to do so. Maybe love could free me, and finally make me beautiful. I still won't be perfect, but through love's eyes, maybe I could be Almost Perfect...