Frustration

hay naku nasa mood na naman ako na frustrated ako. nakakainis na itong photography na to ha. dko alam kung bakit hindi ako satisfied sa mga pictures ko... dahil ba hindi maganda ang camera ko, o bka baguhan pa lang talaga ako, o dahil hindi talaga ako nagkakaron ng opportunities kumuha sa magandang lugar, o baka naman talagang wala akong talent sa photography. haaay...
my passion should be giving me joy and a sense of accomplishment, pero bakit ganito ang nafeefeel ko? siguro kasi i want everything at once... dyanne, wag ka mainip... in time dyanne, in time... hay naku sana nga. kapag kasi nakakakita ako ng magagandang pics, namamangaha ako, tapos nalulungkot ako kasi hindi ako makakuha ng ganung shots. haaay. i really want to practice, be able to go to beautiful places... gusto ko talaga gumaling... yung bang matutuwa talaga ang titingin ng pictures ko.. yung bibilib sila sa akin.. but ithink more importantly, yung bibilib ako sa sarili ko...haaaaay... kailan kaya?

In response to your March 23, 2006 post

*dy & les 1999 * dy & les 2006

nung una kong nabasa yung post mo 10 months ago, naiyak ako... at nung nabasa ko ulit siya ngayon, naiiyak na naman ako...
tama ka naman kasi eh... matagal na nga tayong magkaibigan.marami na tayong napagsamahan...tinanong mo sa akin kung naalala ko yung mga nangyari nun... oo, naaalala ko lahat ng yun at marami pang iba. naalala ko yung pagsama mo samin sa pagsanjan isang christmas break... diba nga, may hand signals pa tayo nung panahong yun? naaalala mo pa ba yun? ako ay may ilan pang alam, tulad ng sa cute, pangit, naiiyak ako, uwi na tayo... naaalala ko rin yung pagpunta natin sa puerto galera. napakasaya ko nun, isa yun sa mga pinakamasayang adventures ko.

les & dy at big la laguna puerto galera




e yung nagpunta tayo sa Tagaytay? Kuna paanong naligaw pa tayo at inabot ng anim na oras bago makarating. naaalala ko rin kung paano tayo magtelebabad nun... hehe, grabe noh, inaabot tayo madaling araw... at ang mga sulat!!!! hindi talaga pwedeng pumasok ng walang dalang sulat. siguro ganun talaga tayo ka-connected nun. napagsasaluhan natin ang bawat damdamin at isipin ng isa't isa..




on one of our sleepovers photo op at school

kaya nalungkot talaga ako nung nagkahiwalay tayo ng landas nung college. sobrang nanghinayang ako na hindi na tayo magaksama, dahil alam kong maapektohan ang pagkakaibigan natin. tama yun sa isang banda. dahil hindi na nga tayo madalas magkausap, natigil ang sulatan, hindi na tayo masyado nagkikita. akala ko nawala na ang ating pagkakaibigan. pero sa isa pang banda, kahit may mga dumating na bagong kaibigan, may mga nakasama sa bagong buhay, kahit hindi na tayo nagkakasama, walang nakapantay sa pinagsamahan nating dalawa. hindi dahil hindi tayo nagkita o nagkausap ibgi sabihin hindi ko hinanap ang ating samahan.


kaya sobrang saya ko nung 2006 ng biglang nabuhay ulit ang ating pagkakaibigan. bumalik ang emails, paminsan-minsang tawag, pagkikita, pagoovernights. masayang- masaya ako na nagbalik na ang aking kaibigan. meron na ulit akong nakakausap kapag nababagot ako sa opisina, o kapag hindi ako sigurado sa takbo ng trabaho o buhay ko, o kapag gusto ko lang magkwento. meron na akong nayayayang magsine kapag hindi gusto ni jay yung palabas na gusto ko. ang dame ko pa naman plano para sa atin . gusto ko makapunta tayo sa iba't ibang lugar. yung magaganda para makapagpicture tayo. gusto ko makilala ang bago mong magiging boyfriend, at makilala rin siya ni jay para sabay tayong lalabas. gusto ko sana maging magkatrabaho tayo, para araw-araw kitang nakakausap.



dy & les at james's bday dy & les at pili's wedding


ngunit ngayon...



aalis ka na naman. alam ko meron namang email at ym, pero iba parin yung nakakasama mo talaga ng kaibigan mo diba? ni hindi man lang kita makasama magpicture-picture.ang laki pa naman ng impluwensysa mo sa pagkahilig ko sa photography. nalulungkot talaga ako sobra. ibinalik ka sa akin, pero babawiin uli... ung selfish na ako, nagwiwish na sana bumalik ka at dito nalang matrabaho.. pero yung friend mo in me, wishes the best for you, at maaring yun ay ang makahanap ka na ng trabaho sa Singapore at magpayaman sa ibang bansa.


ang aking dasal na lang, ay sana, kahit malayo tayo, ay wag na nating mapabayaan ang ating pagkakaibigan. sana kahit hindi tayo magkasama physically, sa ating puso't isipan, meron pa rin tayong isang magandang pagkakaibigan. pwede naman yun diba?

sana. sana.

PHOTOGRAPHY

Just before the year started, I promised myself to start a new hobby: photography. Actually, I want it to be more than just a hobby. I want to develop a passion, and I want to be good in it. I've been trying to practice, trying to learn everything I could to be decent in my chosen (although of course, it was not a forced choice) passion. I try to read all the sites I could go to that offer tips on photography, and I try to go to places where I could take good pictures. But somehow, I am feeling a little frustrated. I know that taking pictures actually makes me happy at times, and yet sad as well.

I feel happy because little by little I am learning, and I am able to develop something, and someday I hope I would become a good photographer. Right now I know I am not yet one, but I have high hopes for myself. Haha. Which may be the very reason I get saddened as well.

I am so into photography now, but to whom shall I share my passion with? I love taking pictures, but at the end of the day, to whom do I show my pictures to? Who appreciates them? Of course, I have Jay... But I've taken a lot of pictures and yet I can't remember a picture he really liked. Either I have really no potential in photography, or he just really is not into photos. If I believe the first one, it will frustrate me; if I believe the second one, it will sadden me. Aaargh. I know I also have friends who are into photography as well but: Les, who was actually the one to influence my liking for photography... Too bad she has other friends to whom she already shares photography with; Bang, who really likes to pose and smile for the camera ( and looks real good too)... Well, like Les, I am not able to see her as much as I would want to. So, it saddens me. Good thing I have my seatmate Paula.. She is starting to get interested in photography as well, and during breaks we get to show each other our pictures. But still...

Also, I love taking pictures... I'd love to take pictures in beautiful places. I would really enjoy visiting different places, near or far... Alas, I dont get too have that much opportunity. If only I could spend my weekends going to places, taking pictures, being with my family... I don't want to spend my weekends stuck in my room sleeping. I want to live, and explore, and capture the beauty all around me.

So there. My love for photography, my desire to excel, and my high hopes... Making me happy, yet making me sad as well.. Frustrating.

(Well, I actually believe that it could be psychological. I believe that with just a little conditioning and change of attitude, if I focus on what is good, I could truly be happy.)

Ibigay Niyo Na Ang Backpay Ko!

Bwisit na bwisit nako ha! As in gusto ko na magwala! It has been 4 long months... 4 1/2 even... Hindi naman milyones ang backpay ko eh.. It is just around 6 thousand.. 6K na dapat ay wala lang sa kanila at sobrang halaga for me... Gaano ba katagal ang pagcompute nun? Damn napaka pathetic talaga at loser ng kumpanyang yun! No wonder all the people I worked with there are gone already. Lahat nagresign narin. Kitang-kita kasi ang kawalang-kwentahan ng company... AAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!

Napakamadaya talaga ng kumpanyang ito.. Sige, hindi ko na sasabihin kung ano ito, para free akong maglabas ng bwisit about it. Like:
1. Nakaka-3 palit na sila ng name, dahil tinatake advantage nila ang pagiging tax-free ng mga bagong call centers dito sa Pinas. ( Well, siguro, palit din sila ng palit ng name kasi sobrang pangit ng repu nila at gusto nilang matakasan ang bad image nila)
2. Nagpapa-training sila ng 2 weeks without pay. Worse is that hindi naman pag-aaral lang ang training na ito. The company uses the trainees to actually work. Pinagtratrabaho nila ang mga trainees for free. Mas worse pa, only 30% actually pass the training. So magaaksaya lang ng pagod, oras, pamsahe at baon ang mga trainees. Gagamitin lang sila ng kumpanya, tapos... Bye bye na.

Need I say more pa ba? Haaaaay! kaya nga hindi ko natiis at nagresign ako from there within 3 months. Hindi kaya ng integrity ko. Hindi ko kayang magwork for a company I dont believe in. Lalo pa na ang trabaho ko ay manghikayat ng mga trainees. Ano ako hilo?!!!!

AAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!!!!

Acting Single

Last Friday, Jay and Andre went home to Laguna and I had an opportunity to be single for one night. Not that I wanted to. I guess right now, I would always prefer to be at home with my family than to go out with my friends. Not that I don't want to be with my friends. In fact, I really do want to be with them, its just that I want to be with my family more. Anyway, since I have no family to go home to last Friday night ( except for James who is sleeping already), I met with some of my friends from college.

My phone's battery actually died at around 5pm, so I had to meet with them and wait without any form of communication. It was definitely difficult, because I was already getting bored and sleepy. We were supposed to meet at 7pm but it was already 745 and they were still not there.
Finally, Kite, Myk and our orgmate Fides finally arrived. On their hands were their Christmas gifts for me and my babies. Thoughful! Well, Kite and Myk are Ninangs of my sons so they should have gifts for them. Haha.

We went to Megamall and they shopped at Plains&Prints, while I just looked at the items. I don't have the luxury that they have of shopping expensive (even if on sale) items. We went to Cafe Donatello afterwards to eat. Myk and Kite actually offered to treat me, and I was actually tempted to agree since I only have P200 left in my wallet. Haha. I declined though. Somehow my pride got in the way, making me feel that I don't really want to always be the poor one. Haha. As if it's not true.

We made chikas, exchanged updates and generally made kwento about our lives, and the lives of our friends. It was nice talking to them. I always enjoy our times together. Of course, I would want to see them more often. That is why I like inviting them to our place, so that I would get to see them, and still be with my family. Selfish; wanting everything. Hehe.

Anyway, the night ended with the promise of seeing one another again soon. Maybe in mid-Feb, when Kite gives birth. Can't wait!

CSI NY Season 3

Ha! I just said na sobrang namimiss ko na ang CSI, and that I want to watch season 3 na... and to my delight, nakabili na kao ng season 3 DVD! Yipeee! Havent watched it yet, will do later... Can't wait! ( Bought Miami Season 5 as well...)

I hate sleeping alone

Ayaw kong natutulog nang mag-isa... Ayaw ko ring nagigising nang mag-isa... Hindi na ako sanay... At malamang, it is something I will never get used to. Nor do I want to.
Unless I am really tired, I find it hard to sleep if Jay is not around. That does not happen much, but when it does, sobra nabwibwisit ako. Gusto ko sabay kame natutulog, and gusto ko, kapag naaalimpungatan ako sa madaling-araw, he is beside me. Kapag hindi, naba-bad trip ako. That is why I am sure, bad trip ako mamayang gabi at bukas ng umaga. He is in Pagsanjan kasi, and I am totally not looking forward to tonight. Friday pa naman... We normally talk till the wee hours in the morning kasi wala naman pasok kinabukasan. And I love our talks... Sayang. Hmmmp, nababadtrip na tuloy ako ngayon pa lang. Panira ng weekend. Hah. Well, what can I do, gusto, or baka naman kailangan, kasi niyang umuwi without me eh. Haaay. Sana hindi na lang. Sigurado ma-mimiss ko siya. hehehe. Yuck ang corny!... So what, e totoo naman eh... Ü

Bad Trip. He better make up to me when he gets back. And I hope that would be VERY EARLY tomorrow. If not.....

CSI NY

I soooooo miss CSI NY! Nasaan na ba ang season 3 ng aking beloved tv series? :( I was first able to watch it 2005, when we were stil living in San Pedro. I was hooked the first time I saw it. Syempre inifluence ko ang husband ko, and soon, he was hooked as well. Dati I watch all 3 CSIs, but now hindi ko na pinapanood and CSI (Las Vegas). Supposedly, since siya ang original, siya ang pinakamaganda. Still, I don't like its style. Gusto ko ang New York because it is just light and very witty. Also, I love all the characters. With Miami naman, ok sana siya, kaso nakakainis si Horacio eh. I dont like the way he speaks or acts. While there is no NY though, I watch Miami na lang. It is something that my husband and I really look forward to every week. Kaso.... nagtapos na rin ang season 4 ng Miami... and wala paring season 3 ng NY... So what na ang papanoorin namin?!!!!

I-air niyo na ang CSI NY Season 3!!!!!!! PLease!!!!!!

World Pyro Olympics

Went to Pyro Olympics last Friday. Wow, it was nice, maganda panoorin at masarap maexperience. What was nicer was that, hindi lang kame nagpunta dun to watch the show, but we also had a small picnic. Yun nga lang, yung mga kasama namin were all late. Kaya ako lang, andre, bunini and mom & dad lang ang magkasama. The fireworks were beautiful in general, but I would think na mas maganda siguro ang shows ng ibang countries. Still, it was something to see.

Some of the fireworks; Eating at Aristocrat @ 12midnight

The most difficult thing about the event I think, was the terrible traffic after. We were only able to eat at 12midnight. Sayang nga kasi wala na talaga gana kumain dahil sobrang sleepy na.

Anyway, I would still want to watch it next year.

Training

5 weeks of training over... By now, I should be very familiar na with Shell as a company, its businesses, etc. I should also be knowledgable na with Australian culture and language. My, is it interesting! Sobra dame nila mga idiomatics expressions and ang vocab nila, kakaiba! A few examples:
1. servo - gasoline station

2. arvo - afternoon

3. ball and chain - wife

4. bloke - man

5. Pommy - English (citizen)

6. barbie - barbeque

7. brekkie - breakfast

8. Seppo - Americans

9. rugrats / ankle biters - kids

10. bingle - vehicle accident

11. bizzo - business

12. bludger - lazy person

13. chook - chicken

14. coldie - beer

15. spit the dummy - get very upset

16. off his face - drunk

17. who opened their lunch? - who farted?

18. rack off - get out of here

19. tall poppy syndrome - tendency to criticize successful people

20. sparky - electrician

Astig noh? I think they are really very interesting people...
Ngayon, we're off to harder training.. We are moving na to product specs... 7 weeks to go... Yep yep, 7 more weeks.. Siguro by the end of that time, expert na kame sa lubricants and fuels. Haha. Let's see.

My 50 Favorite Things

These are my favorite things... They are not neccessarily in order...
1. Sidney Sheldon
2. Danielle Steel
3. Perry Mason
4. Nancy Drew ( when i was a kid)
5. Karaoke!! ( Sana magaling ako kumanta!)
6. Lay's Sour Cream & Onion (1 pack on 1 seating)
7. Milky Way ( Ultimate Comfort Food!)
8. Mango (Ripe, Green, Shake and Dried)
9. Game Ka Na Ba (Feeling Henyo)
10. Shopping ( Pero mga mura lang)
11. Budgeting ( Mahilig akong magcompute2 ng finances namin)
12. Organizing events (from simple labas2 ng family, outings, to birthdays and weddings)
13. the BEACH!!!
14. Mongolian Bowl (This is the only vegetable dish that I really eat.)
15. Seaside Palutuan (G-Squared)
16. Japanese Food (Katsudon, Tempura & Sukiyaki)
17. KFC (thigh part!)
18. Biology (During High School and College)
19. Tootsie Roll Candy
20. Keebler's Chocolate Lover's Choco Chip Cookie
21. Cheesecake
22. CSI NY ( Nasaan na ang Season 3?!!)
23. Picture-picture!!! (and my camera of course)
24. Kris Aquino (Haha... Don't know why..)
25. Choco Chip Blizzard with extra strawberry (Yum Yum, another comfort food!)
26. Crispy Pata
27. Ginataang Kalabaw ( our specialty, all my friends who visit Pagsanjan love it!)
28. Kwentuhan with my Husband
29. Nature
30. Tenga ng Baboy ( I miss my UP days.. Isaw sa may Ilang2)
31. Dad's
32. Little Asia
33. Eating out
34. Pink
35. Yellow / orange
36. Cotton Candy ( Lalo na yung sa kalsada!)
37. Trips (Basta mga gimiks to nice places)
38. Stuff Toys ( Esp Fluffy Teddy Bears)
39. Scrabble / Crossword (and other similar mind & word games)
40. PLaying with my Kids
41. Cooking ( Kahit very limited lang alam ko)
42. Turon ( Yung luto ko at ng mommy ko)
43. Beefsteak
44. Surfing ( Net lang ha)
45. Les, Bang & Pili
46. Kite, Myk, Don & the rest of FF!
47. PSYCHSOC Days
48. High Shool Days
49. Educational Books (Uy seryoso yun ha... Love to learn..)
50. Dancing

NO MORE PRETENSES!

Yes, no more pretenses. I've tried hard, but I'm finding it difficult. I am ready to quit. Tama na ang pagpupumilit kong Englishin ang aking blog. Haha. Magtatagalog na ako. Yipee!!!! Freedom at last! Of courses, hindi ko naman sinasabing hindi na ako mag-english... it's just that (kita mo...) nahihirapan na kasi ako, hindi natural ang blogging ko kapag english. Para kasing more than for myself, e for an audience ang nagagawa kong blog kapag english. I dont want that to be the case. Gusto ko, my blogs are primarily for me, to be able to express myself. Mas para maintindihan ko ang sarili ko, at hindi para maipakita sa tao. Naks. Kaya eto na... more personal and from the heart entries I hope...

NEW YEAR PLANS

I dont have any new year's resolution. Not that there is nothing to change or improve, but maybe I am just stubborn and won't let go of my idiosyncracies. What I like to have though, are plans... Things that I want to acomplish this year... Here's the short list:

1. Start photography as a hobby.- Bought a camera, and I really want to learn and at least be decent in taking pictures. Don't wanna take posed pictures only, I wanna try to develop the art of taking pictures of any thing. Ha ha, good luck.

Sample photo on my 1st practice... At La Mesa Ecopark
2. Have a honeymoon- Never really had the chance to go to a real honeymoon, so I really wann be able to do it this year. I actually have wanted it since last year, but it is financially difficult to do so. Hopefully I would be able to save up now. Maybe go to Boracay, Cebu or Palawan.

3. Have our own home - I was able to enjoy this for 6 months last 2005. I would be able to say that truly, this has been one of the happiest phase in my life. Too bad that when Baby James arrived, we could no longer afford to stay in San Pedro so we went back to my Mom's place. I am praying that this year, we would be financially capable to live on our own again.
I think that's all. The important and concrete ones though.

Going... and almost not going... to La Mesa Ecopark

Went to La Mesa Ecopark yesterday.. The reason why I wanted to go was that I wanted to take pictures, and of course, I wanted my kids to be able to play... The park actually fell short of my expectations. I would not say though that it was because the park was not a nice place to go to, but maybe because I was really expecting something very beautiful. In general, it is a place wherein you would be able to relax and enjoy nature... A place to unwind, it could even be a good place to have dates.. You could have a picnic or just enjoy the nature trail that it offers. A little more maintenance is needed though. There does not seem to be enough flowers, and the few that are there are actually wilting already.

----------

Almost was not able to go actually... last Saturday, my sister and I were planning to go to Tagaytay, but we decided not to pursue it as there were rain clouds overhead. Sunday morning, the urge to go to a beautiful place still wont leave me. I checked the net, and suggested that we go to La Mesa Ecopark. My, was I excited! I really wanted to practice taking pictures and I know that this would be a wonderful opportunity to do so...
Sadly, my husband did not want to go. He said that he just wants to stay at home. His personality never was the type who wants to go out. We had a little bit of a fight: him saying why do I have to "force" unto him the kind of life that I want to lead, and me feeling that "Why can't you just sacrifice a little for something that you know would make me happy?"...

I understood him though... I know he just wanted to rest, so I did not "force" him anymore. I told him that ok, if he does not want to go, it is okay with me. BUT i am still going. I guess maybe he understood me as well because he eventually dressed up and joined us.

We did not discuss the issue again. Personally I think that it is not healthy. I would have wanted us to talk more, to make our feelings more known. But sometimes, you get tired of discussing. What's th epoint of bringing everything up again if things already worked out? Temporarily.

Maybe we could discuss it the next time I am gonna make plans for us to go out. Ha ha.

After 6 long months...

Hi! I'm back... Afer 6 long months, I am here again... Right now, I am just confused.. What do I post here, and what do I post in Multiply... Haha... I was thinking that maybe, I will post updates about me in Multiply, and post more personal thoughts here... Of course, I dont really want everyone to read naman what I have to say, but I think it is okay for them to learn more about me.. Whatever.. Good luck to me... Haha.. Anyway, if you want to visit my multiply, it's www.mommydyanne.multiply.com