Sino Ako?

Sa kapapanood ko ng Pinoy Big Brother, napa-isip tuloy ako.Tatlong magkakaugnay na tanong ang ngayon ay naglalaro sa aking isipan.

Una, kung ako ang nasa loob ng bahay, anong klaseng paguugali, pagkatao o personalidad ang makikita sa akin ng mga manonood? Anong klaseng tao ba ako sa paningin ng iba?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang sagot sa tanong na iyun. Dahil na rin marahil sa hindi ko alam ang sagot sa pangalawang tanong ko: Ano ba ang pagkakakilala ko sa sarili ko? Ano ba ako sa paningin ko? Mukhang madaling tanong, tutal sino ba ang pinakanakakakilala sa atin kundi ang ating sarili? Pero isang tanong na talagang nahihirapan akong sagutin. Katunayan, ayaw na ayaw kong tinatanong sa mga interviews nung ako ay nagaapply ng trabaho ng "Describe yourself".Nastre-stress ako dahil nakikita ko kung paano ko hindi kilala ang aking sarili. Mahirap na kalagayan.

Dahil hindi ko alam ang sagot sa mga tanong na aking unang nabanggit, hindi ko rin mapigilang makaramdam ng insecurities. Pakiramdam ko, kung ako ang nasa PBB, ako ay magiging isang walang kwentang housemate. Walang dating, walang personalidad. E kung ako nga eh, hindi ko makita kung ano ako, hindi ko makita ang kagalingan o kagandahan ko, paano pa kaya yung iba? Syempre ito, hindi lang naman sa PBB. Kahit sa pangaraw-araw na buhay. Ako ba ang klase ng tao na gugustuhin mong makilala? Gaganda o sasaya ba ang buhay mo kung ako ay iyong kaibigan? Parang hindi eh. Hindi ko nga rin maisip ang sarili ko bilang bida sa isang nobela o sa isang pelikula eh. Sa mga libro ni Danielle Steel o si Sideney Sheldon kasi, and aking mga paboritong manunulat, ang mga bidang babae ay laging maganda, matalino, may karakter.

Nakakalungot noh? Na hindi mo kilala ang sarili mo. Dagdagan pa ng liit ng tingin sa sarili, ng kawalan ng kumpiyansa o bilib sa sarili.

Dahil dito, gustong sagutin ang aking pangatlong tanong: Sino ba akong talaga? Hindi kung ano lamang ang nakikita ng iba, hindi kung ano ang iniisip ko, kundi ang tunay na ako. Yung akong ginawa ng Panginoon. Sigurado, dahil gawa ng Panginoon, espesyal ang akong iyon. Sigurado, may halaga at may kwenta.

At gusto ko na siyang makilala.

I'm back

Hello! I'm back from Batangas (actually kahapon pa naman, kaso tinamad ako mgsulat, sorry!) and okay naman ang naging outing namin. Okay dahil medyo disappointing yung lugar. Harhar. Actually, the beach is still beautiful. Light brown sand & clear blue-green water...

ANg problem, yung resort na tinulugan namin. Admittedly, naghanap ako ng medyo mura para mapilit ko si mommy na matuloy ang outing namin. Dahil dun, nascrifice pala ang quality at beauty ng t=resort. Hehe. We stayed at Triple-G resort in Laiya Beach and our cottage cost P7000 good for 15 people. Meron na siyang 3 queen size bed so mga 10 yung makakahiga and the rest slept on the floor. May kitchen and bathroom naman siya but medyo icky na yung banyo. Hehe. Last year kasi we stayed in Sabangan. The cottage was more expensive, P9000 for 9 people. Pero definitely mas maganda dun. Malinis at maganda ang banyo at kwarto at kumpleto rin ang mga gamit sa kusina. At ang pinakadisappointment ko sa Triple G, ay hindi kami beachfront tapos may picnic area pa sila na free ang entrance kaya sobrang dameng tao na ngswiswimming. :(

So medyo disappointed ako... Bitin pa... I think yung family ko and yung kasama namain nabitin rin dahil nagkakaakitan naman ngayon to go to GAlera. Haha. Matuloy kaya kami? We'll see.

My Celeb Look-alikes

Can someone tell this face recognition software that I do not look like Toni Morrison?!

All my bags are packed & I'm ready to go

I'm not leaving on a jetplane. I am just going to our annual family outing and I am soooooo excited.

We are not going anywhere far, hence no jetplane. The distance though, or the lack of it, is not an issue. We are going to Laiya Beach in San Juan Batangas and those who are unable to go to the white beaches of Puerto GAlera for one reason or another can go to this place instead.

More about the place when I get back.

I'm still at work right now and my mind can't help but fly 120kms south. Who can blame me? Our family's outings always turn out to be fun so anticipation is quite normal. I just hope that the outing will meet all my expectations...

Anyway, I'm leaving tomorrow, and I can hardly wait...

Happiness

I have long thought to myself what happiness really is. How do we define it? What makes up happiness? Is it feeling totally free from negative emotions, or is it being contented with what you have, or is it simply a state of mind? I wish to define it not because I have turned philosophical nor because I want to be the next Mr Webster, but because I want to know if I could say I am truly happy.

I find it hard to define happiness because there are questions that bothers me about the state of being happy. Is happiness an overwhelming and absolute feeling? By that I mean, do we say we are happy only when there is nothing more in our life that we could ask for? Could we be happy only when everything is perfect? Inversely, are we not happy when there are still aspects of our life that need improvement?

I am bothered by these because if Yes is the answer to all those questions, then truly I could not be happy. And I do not want to think I am not.

So I am trying to see it now with a different perspective. Maybe we dont need a perfect life to be happy. Maybe happiness is born not out of circumstances that we are in, but from the attitude that we possess regarding these circumstances. Our lives may still leave a lot to be desired, yet, happiness could be found within. How? Let me quote William H. Sheldon:

"Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation."

So happiness is not really about what we have now, but what we believe we are going to achieve. It is not about not wanting anything else for our lives, but knowing that in time we'd get it. Or actually, maybe we won't even get it, but the journey, doing something, towards the kind of life that we want is enough to make us happy.

Luckily, there is something that makes this journey more fulfilling for some. It is the presence of loved ones that we travel together with. People who hold our hands on our way to wherever we are going. For me, that would be Jay and my kids. The people who make my happiness more complete.

Now, I should be able to say without doubt that I am happy. I still have a lot of dreams and prayers for my life, but I am on my way there.

WE are on our way there.

Motorcade

Since we were young, our family has been very much involved in politics. My dad has been campaign manager for several candidates already, and maintaned close relationship with those he helped elect. I think that given more charm, my dad would have ran for a post as well. Hahahaha.

This year was no exception for us. Our family actively particiapted in the campaign of our family friend ( Jay&I's Ninong) Mayor Er Ejercito. Last Saturday, we had a motorcade wherein thousands of people paraded to show their support and love for their incumbent Mayor.

*The flags we made and distributed to participating cars

* Truckloads of people joined despite the sweltering heat, all out of support to the Mayor.

* Almost a hundred motorcycles lead the parade

* MOre pictures at www.mommydyanne.multiply.com

Something to Write

I wanted to write something yet I am unable to think of something beautiful. My creative juices seem to be drying up from too much thinking. It is not that I have too many problems, but that my imagination is so active it almost never stops. Give me one free moment and surely, my mind will be flying off somewhere.

I guess this is one reasson why the question "Anong iniisip mo?" is so much a part of my everyday communication. I assume that if one is doing nothing, then he will surely be thinking of something. Is that true, are all of us like that? Or is it just me?

Anyway, I still can't come up with something to write. Or, have I?

A Low Day

There are days when I feel good about myself. Days when I am confident and almost delude myself to believing I am worthy to be called beautiful. These are happy days.

There are days though that I get to the opposite end of the feel good pole. Days when I feel conscious and unpretty. Fortunately, I would not call myself ugly during these days, but mediocrity is not enough for me to be pleased with myself. These are, though not sad, what I would describe as low days.

Today I am having a low day. I don't like how I look.

And it's really getting me.

Take Me Home

It is just 15 more minutes til I get home. 15 minutes seem short when you are having a break, or when you are already running late, but it seems like an eternity when you're waiting to get home.

I am doing nothing yet I am very tired. My muscles are sore, my head aching, and as if that is not enough, my stomach's rumbling as well.

I want to go home, and yet I am bothered with the knowledge that I will soon be facing horrendous traffic in an uncomfortable van.

Maybe there is a way to simply shut my eyes and I'm home. Maybe there is magic...

Will a fairy please wave a magic wand over me... Get me home before I become too tired to be a good company to my family...

Or maybe I don't need magic...

Lord, give me patience... that I might not get infuriated with the traffic..
give me strength.. that I might have enough energy to last me through the rest of the day..

Back In Action

My Beloved Camera is back!!!!

Got it from the Service Center yesterday and it is all good!

Yipeee!!!!

My friend Lesley

I miss you friend! Wala lang, minsan naiisip ko lang na sana you are still here... I really love the times kapag kumpleto tayo nina Bang and Pili, sobrang saya... Ngayon kulang na naman kami...